Worn Out
Moved to Shapleigh with the rents last week and I just got home from a lengthy work week. I'm so tired and I feel like I'm coming down with something. What else is new though?
Well, for starters I'm battling a severe depression along with other fucked up emotions I blame on my new, unplanned lifestyle. I've been distancing myself from people and I know it. It's what I tend to do when I'm really down. I haven't exactly been the best boyfriend of late either. Poor Molly has seen me at my best and worst. I guess that's the way relationships go but my worst is pretty bad. So bad, in fact, that I'd rather people not see that side of me. But anyway, yeah...definitely distancing myself.
The past few days Molly has hung out with her friends and done some fun things and I honestly don't care to hear about it. I guess I feel left out, although I shouldn't. Again, I blame my fucked up emotions for the way I feel, which is why I don't bother bringing it up to her. There's nothing wrong with what she is doing; but there is something wrong with me. It's strange, but when I feel left out or unwelcome, I almost want to be left out. I want to be invisible and forgotten. If it sounds silly, its because it is. Lately I have just wanted to escape everyone and everything. Thank God for Molly though. She--along with weed--has kept me from putting a bullet in my brain. So far.
Today marks 10 months that Molly and I have been together. Normally this kind of occation would perk me up and make me smile. Maybe it's because I'm so exhausted and sickly; maybe it's because I can't help but note that I've never had a relationship last much longer than this; but I don't have a sweet bone in my body today. I love Molly dearly, don't get me wrong. But right now I wish I was all alone, with no one who cares enough to see my sadness and be affected by it. I just want to cry hard and have the rest of the world go about their daily lives and not know I exist. I wish someone could see my fake smile and be none-the-wiser. Just once.
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(Anonymous)
2008-03-23 00:51
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It's okay for more than one person to care about their FRIEND'S feelings and see how a FRIEND is doing. No need for that kind of out look on things. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2008-03-23 01:10
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Let me ask you this. Have you ever in your life experienced immaturity to a level where you've wanted to stop caring because people can't handle themselves in an adult manner? If you answered yes, then I assume you understand where it is that I am coming from. I am usually a pretty optimistic person. People irritate me with things they may write on a loved one's page, facebook, or mysace, but atleast I attempt to be civil and refrain from writing them off in a very rude manner. This has shown me what selfish and inconsiderable beings some people can be. I'm sorry, but you're not the only one who is concerned about Dave's well being. There are many people who care about him. A lot of people love him in many different ways that you can't imagine, and I'm sure he can defend that one for himself. It's uncontrolable and it's certainly cruel to abandon a friend when he's been through so much in the past few months. You're right about one thing, and that's understanding him. I imagine that you do spend the most time with him, and I'm certain its the best and most valued time spent for the both of you. But there is no harm in an old friend expressing concern for another. It's not "homewrecking" or even anything remotely to any dirty tricks up somebody's sleeve. It's just a simple reminder that any stranger walking by could give to him to lighten up and smile, life doesn't stay in the dark forever. So instead of replying with crulty to someone who is just trying to brighten up someone's day, you should be happy and relieved that there are people in Dave's life that exist who are willing to support him and be there for him in times of need. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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