Only a bit a go, my despair over financial woes gave way to hope. The hope--that I could make due by getting a second job on weekends--has now been dashed by my sudden, unfortunate layoff at work. Now in order to get by, in all likeliness, I would have to find 2 jobs just to pay my car payment.
My girlfriend, the one person I am thinking of at all times through this ordeal, is so upset right now. I've all but decided to sell my car and venture out on my own to pursue my main goal--become financially independent. If I can do that, there's no limit to what I can do when Molly has completed her schooling and has a career of her own. I love her so much and I am ready to invest a lifetime with her.
The only problem is... how do you really invest a lifetime with someone who isn't physically in your life for an unspecified amount of time?
A long distance relationship isn't my first choice obviously. But it is one I am willing to make if we can both agree we are committed to each other. There are those out there who don't agree with that or with my thinking. That's fine. I'm coming to the realization more and more each day, that if I focus too much on what everyone else wants me to do, I'll lose focus on what I really want to do.
Right now, I want to get out of this house and prove to Molly, to my parents, to my friends and to myself that I am capable of making it in this world no matter what life throws at me. I want to see what life away from home is really like. I want to do something for myself that I've been afraid to do because I was too scared of what might go wrong rather than look at it for the good that could come from it. I want to expand my horizon and start reading and writing again. I want to enjoy my worklife and be confident that it's a pathway to a better life for me.
Too long have I sat around in this house and done nothing with my life. I didn't mind it until I met Molly. Now I have dreams of owning a home one day and living a comfortable life with her. I don't care what I do as long as we can be together in our own place. If I really want that dream to come true, I've got to get off my lazy ass and make it happen. I screwed up in high school and college. Maybe I'll go back to school one day, but for now I'm gonna do this on my own. I don't want help. My motivation is unrelenting.
We shall see what the coming days bring...
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