Remus J. Lupin (r_lupin) wrote in morsemordre, @ 2002-12-07 20:00:00

Chocolate pockets....


Remus looked at the clock. It was nearing 8. He was not quite sure of the location, so he had asked one of the House Elves as politely as possible if they could show him the way there. When Remus neared the door, he smiled, thanked the elf and turned to the door with a sigh, attempting to sort the words in his head out into a decent sentence. He knocked three times in succession and waited to be bade inside, on hand pressing to his stomach, as he was quite nervous.

Severus was already sitting at his desk- a few papers strewn here and there (old habits died hard. he was used to working every hour god sent) and he was reading a few disinterestedly. When the knock came, he didn't jump, just rumbled a quiet, "It's open."

Remus opened the door slowly, and slipped inside, shutting the door just as quietly as he had entered. He moved forward to stand just a few feet away from Severus' desk. He bowed slightly at the waist in greeting, and continued to stand. He would only sit if it was offered to do so. "Severus...." he said with the greeting. His voice as it always was, soft, gentle, and kind.

A few seconds passed as he let his eyes finish a line- he could stop and start mid sentence when reading, but preferred not to these days. Just another strain. He looked up, owlishly, and then placed the parchment down, gesturing to the seat before his desk. Again. Old habits died hard. He was used to having a desk or something between him and other people. The chair was about the same height as his own but his own tall frame usually had him looming a little.

Remus sat, crossed his legs loosely and took a breath. He folded his hands in his lap to fight the urge to toy with the fringe of his robes. "Severus, I want to, before this conversation really starts, Thank you again for allowing me to stay here. It is not something that you had to do. As I told Sirius, I will only stay as long as I am welcomed here, and if you wish for me to leave, I will do so without question." He paused, to arrange his thoughts before he started again, and to allow Severus to speak if he wished to do so.

"Do not thank me, Lupin," he replied, deliberately using the man's last name. "It is not thanks to me that you are here." A smile, but totally lacking in any emotion whatsoever. He breathed, slowly. "You are only here because of Sirius and will only stay because of him." He leaned forwards a little. "I want him to be happy, and if you interfere with that... well. Let's just say I had better not see my husband so much as looking anything but happy." He sat back. "I hope that is clear."

Remus nodded. "I understand completely. But, you see, Severus, I find myself at a disadvantage in that situation, because where I am friends with Sirius, I am not his mate. Although I love him dearly, I will not interfere with your relationship. You have my word." He paused, thought a moment. "I had an argument with Sirius before dinnertime, totally my fault. Originally I was going to decline the offer of eating with you both because I felt you might be more comfortable without my presence. In doing so, I....began to talk too much. I know the times have changed, but my old fears remain there...."

Whatever he valued Remus' word as wasn't very high. The Slytherin looked far from happy at the news the two had been fighting already- and at Remus' planned -to him at least- sleight. His scowl deepened even further. "You will kindly refrain from upsetting him. And me. For my part I shall be civil," he all but spat the word, "when in your company, but I shall not seek it. The Gate House has been converted- it is fully self-sufficient in its own right now, with only supplies needed. What is not in the house is in the village and if you need anything, you may ask the House Elves."

Remus nodded once more. "I have only a few things, and they will be easy to move to the gate house." He was in complete understanding of the move from his current room to the Gate House. "I will....if possible, refrain from leaving the area of the Gate House to enter the Main House. You should not feel the need to invite me to supper with you; I feel that I only spoil the meal. Also thank you for the offer to brew the Wolfsbane, once again. I know you do not welcome me, or my thanks, but they are none the less given to you. I will do what you ask, if there is anything you require of me to do. I have little to offer, aside from a slight musical talent." He mused, a slight smile upon his face.

"I care little for music," Severus replied, with a contemptuous sneer. It was part of what he labeled 'frivolities'. "And the Wolfsbane is merely an exercise in self-defense." He examined the nails of one hand dully, not feeling in the slightest bit compelled to be anywhere near civil when Sirius was not in the room. It was clear he was acting dismissive of the man- that he valued him little or less.

Remus smiled politely, he was not in the least bit surprised or upset by Severus' manner towards him. "As you wish, Severus." He reached into the pocket of his cloak, and snapped off something, and withdrew it, breaking off a small piece of.....chocolate? Before he popped it into his mouth he held up a wrapped chunk. "Is there anything you request of me, Severus? Something you want me to do, not to do? Also...would you like some chocolate. I make it habit to keep some with me...."

Chocolate? Severus looked frankly disgusted. He'd never had too much of a sweet tooth- never gone into enjoying food at all, so much so that too much rich food made him physically ill. Less so these days, but still a worry from time to time. He wrinkled his nose disdainfully, looked down along the length, and shook his head slowly. No. God help hi, why had he agreed again?

Remus tucked away the rest of the chocolate after popping a bit into his mouth. He waited quietly, to see if Severus had anything to say to him, or would dismiss him. He believed he had come to say everything he wanted, but he was in the middle of an internal argument. He had them quite often.

"You had said there was something you wanted to say to me," Severus prompted, quite sure that nothing had been said that the lycanthrope would have felt particularly uncomfortable saying in front of Sirius- argument or no. "If there is not?" he said, with a raise of thin eyebrow.

Remus sighed softly, swallowed back the bit of chocolate, and shifted uneasily. "I find myself still in love with Sirius, much to my discomfort. Since I have never been a master of potions, like yourself, or a master of anything really, I wanted to ask if there were some potion that could change that. It would be easier on Sirius, and on myself if I did not feel the way that I do towards him."

Remus.... was in love... with Sirius. Remus BLOODY Lupin, BANE of Severus' life, was in love with Sirius Black, his partner. Oh for the love of everything holy- was nothing sacred? "You love him?" Severus sneered, pulling back his lips from his teeth. It took a minute or two to sink in, and then he shook his head in disbelief. "What is it you want? Something to... block your libido?" he asked, with a quirk of eyebrow, confused slightly.

Remus sighed once more. "I refuse to let my emotions get the upper hand over my rationality. Although I still love Sirius, if I were to interfere, I would kill myself for stepping into your relationship with him. If there is such a potion to....remove, or turn off the emotions, and my libido then I will take them."

Severus was about to reply that he would kill Remus first, but bit his lip. Something- something akin to pity skid across his face, looking wildly out of place. He shook his head and looked down. "You do realize what this means, don't you?" he asked, sounding resigned. He looked up. "I cannot take anything more than your physical drive away- and then not in conjunction with the Wolfsbane- you would not be able to take it for four days... But the only way I can... I can deal with emotions... is to get rid of them all." He looked up, defeated. "And it would not be...... safe.!
" even

Remus nods. "I understand, Severus. I do not fear for my safety, I am more worried about keeping myself out of your relationship, and keeping Sirius happy with you. I lost him before, and you have him..." He smiles again. "And I am happy for you. " He stood slowly. "If you can help me with both, I will do whatever is necessary. If I must wait until after the transformation for them, I will keep myself to my room until it is time...." He adjusts his robes slightly. "If you have to kill me to do it, Severus....then, in order to protect you and Sirius, I would set up the situation...."

"Selfish bastard!" Severus exclaimed. "You don't know what you're asking! You would have your blood on my hands rather than live with yourself?" He shook his head. "No. I will not be responsible for your death. And I will not make you that potion. It would take everything, Lupin," he growled. "Even looking at it rationally he would be able to tell. Hell, even the PLANTS would be able to tell." He did look disgusted at this point. No matter how low he'd sunk, he had never, not once taken his emotions away through any means but his own. "I don't care if you don't trust yourself if you so much as TRIED to lay a finger on my partner you would know about it." He stood up sharply. "I shall brew the destimulatis if you so wish, which can be taken up until your change, but anything and everything else..." he snorted. Shook his head. "You disgust me, you really do." He moved to walk out of his office.

Remus smiled. "Good....good...I was hoping for that..." He then left the office himself, After Severus had, and headed to move his things to the Gate House.