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The Misadventures Of Jefferson And Wendy.....issue no.1
Ok, so I told ya Jefferson was back, and I also told ya we had an adventure. Misadventure would be a better word.
Last Monday night we decided we were going to play board games and get drunk. It was decided we would do shots. We went to town and Jeff bought a bottle of Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay Rum. I bought a bottle of Orange Twist Vodka. Together they equaled a fifth.
We decided to play Justice League Monopoly. Our shots were determined on the number rolled, or if you rolled doubles. Jefferson's number was 6 and mine was 10. If anyone rolled these numbers we had to take a shot. It was me, Jeff and my daughter Missy playing. Missy of course was not drinking shots..heh. If a person rolled a double they had to do a shot as well.
Well, as you can imagine the liquor ran out fast. We decided to go get another fifth of Parrot Bay, because that Vodka was wayyy strong. We got the fifth and came back and resumed the game. That fifth was soon gone. We were quite drunk at this point and decided we needed beer. Yeah beer, because we had drank 2 fifth of the harder stuff. It was time to take it easy.
So, we drove back into town ( I know, I know), pulled in at the convenient store and we went in and got the beer. When we got back to the car, I couldn't find the keys. I went back into the store and looked around. I told the cashier that I couldn't find my keys. She looked at me like people look at you when you are drunk, and just repeated every thing I said. "I can't find my keys"..."You can't find your keys"? "I think I lost them in here somewhere"...."You think you lost them in here somewhere?" So, I went back out to the car and we searched high and low for the keys. They were no where to be found. About that time a cop pulled up and went inside. I told Jefferson we were screwed. If he came out to "help" us we would be hauled in for being either DUI or for public drunkenness. Man, it seemed like such a good idea back at the house to go get beer. I told him that we needed to walk down to Tamathas and wait til the cop left and come back after the car. On the way to her house Jefferson realizes he has the keys in his pocket the whole time. Doh! We couldn't just walk back it would look to strange. So we walked on.
Tamatha is my best friend of about 15 years. She only lived like 2 blocks away, so we took the beer and walked to her house. She wasn't home so we sat on her patio drinking and talking.
About 20 minutes later, I think, a car pulled up. It was Tamatha's sister Lisa ans some dude I don't know. We walked around to the carport and talked to them. We told them to go up and check and see if the cop was still there and let us know. They never came back. So, after a while I told Jefferson to walk back up there and peek around the corner and see if he was gone.
He took off and when he was almost to the store I started after him. He came back around the side of the store and when we met in the middle he said the cop was still there and had saw him and told him he might as well come on out and let him see all of him. Hahahaha!!!
So, we decided to out wait the cop. I mean, he had to leave sooner or later, right? On the way back to Tamatha's, a cop car approches us from the front and turns on go the lights. We stop and he gets out. It was Tim, one of my close friends. I was like, "Heyyyyyy Tim, Wassup"? He said something like, "I don't know, you tell me". So we told him.There was no use in lying, he knows me too well. He hung around for a while, then told me to give him my keys and he would go get the car and drive it down to Tamatha's.
He got back and we stood out there talking and laughing for a long time. We went in so I could use the bathroom. Tamatha had left the house unlocked. We told him over and over how we were able to drive home. Well, I did, Jefferson was no help, he kept standing at attention when Tim whistled the Halls Of Montezuma. I was laughing at him. People do crazy shit when they are drunk and think it is very profound. Tim said I was more able to drive than Jefferson was. He gave us every drunk test he knew. The follow my finger test, we failed. The walk with your feet heel to toe for 9 steps in a straight line test, we failed. The ABC's backwards test,we failed. I was like, "Hey Tim that is bogus man, because I can't even do those things when I am sober." He said, I thought you said you weren't drunk.....DOH!
Then he got a call and said he would be right back for us not to leave. I told him I would stay.
He came back in about 15 min, I think, and had a hand held breath-a-lizer. I blew first, and got 0.88, or something like that. I need to find out for sure what it was. He said, you are DUI right now if you drive. Then Jefferson blew, and Tim said "I don't believe this, I have never seen this before, you two blew the same exact thing". Well in my drunken besotted mind I was thinking, how cute and sweet that was, that we blew the same....hahaha.
Tim stayed with us and Tamatha called the police department wanting to know why there was a cop at her house. I suppose Lisa saw us and told her. When she found out what was going on, she said for us to chill there until we sobered up. To crash there as long as we needed to.
Tim told us we could leave at 5:30 am, and drive back to the house. We feel asleep on Tamatha's bed and I woke up miraculously at 6:30, tried to wake up His Majesty, but hew wasn't budging, so I dressed him while he was still laying down, and he woke up enough to walk to the car. Just like the big baby he is....but wow what a cutie pie....
We finally made it home. Crashed on the couch. I was on one end and Jefferson was on the other. I woke up with his toe in my nostril, and he kicked his foot a little. I got up and went to bed.
Jefferson called Missy while we were out, and told her we were talking with Tamatha and would be home later ( I didn't want her to know what was really going on). The conversation went word for word like this (I have it saved on the answering machine).
"Hey Melissa this is Jeff. Your mom and I, we're gonna be home in a couple hours, we have been talking to Melissa, and (I interrupt him and say you said Melissa and its supose to be Tamatha) huh? And were gonna be home in a little bit aight? 2 hours, 3, 4, a little bit, that's all, aight? Bye (I say something about her not answering) I was talking to the answering machine"(LOUD LONG BEEP).
I listen to this message at least once a day and get a good laugh. It is so good to have him back.
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 fcarrera3
2003-06-05 15:31
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There's nothing like getting drunk off your ass. Me and Laura have plenty of stories like that and have 2 babies to prove it! (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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