Amalthea Belladonna (missmarymarch) wrote, @ 2009-11-07 11:57:00

Wishing. Wishing upon a star. Wishing results in scars. Wishing behind these bars
in a four chambered cell I lay. Moving in circles day to day. Wishing I that had just stayed away.
Cycles round the way cycles go. Most times truth never shows. My heavy heart beating cold.
Wishing is a worthless thing. Actions become just the same. Curse the day I spoke your name.

Last night I went out and saw all my girls. I had a grand welcoming. I didn't expect to see all the other girls, but I walked in and three people from different directions of the room started screaming my name and jumped up to embrace me. How sweet it is to be so loved. It really is important to me how much my friends care about me. It's like all these battered emotions I have saved up from bad romantic experiences can just be up and removed. Replaced by a love that is deeper and more honest. I love that my friends are so fond of me.

Yeah, don't mind my poems. They don't reflect on anything happening now. They're just feelings I have stored somewhere in my psyche, of feelings I've once felt. Afraid I'll just project them into things happening now. My therapist tells me not to do that, but he tells me everyone does. It's how we are wired, but we must first be aware we are doing it. It helps alleviate symptoms. It has - very much. I feel...healthy. Happy. Finally, I feel a sense of freedom from myself. It's great, but I still have demons to battle. There are roads I've not even revealed to him yet. I'm not ready to face it. It's something I'm so ashamed of I can't bring myself to manifest them in words. I can't...talk about it. I'm so ashamed. It's haunted me for years and years, hoping that we could all just forget it happened. Especially in a child's mind, perception is hard to come to terms with. Hopefully, one day we'll get there. I doubt I'll ever lose the need to see a doctor, but I'm okay with that.
I made a new friend I'm very fond of. She's fucking crazy, but...crazy bitches have more fun. The things she deals with, I see in myself. I'm getting past them and I hope she can do. I owe my therapist a lot, he's helped me more then he knows. Well...i'm sure he knows.