Things move fast in life. One minute you drowning in an ocean of regret and the next you're standing on the shore of achievement. Don't I wish more then anything just to pause the good moments. Just to be able to revel in the minor successes, since those move faster then the speed of sound. That's what good friends and family are for. They keep these moments, so precious to you, for the times when you need to hear them. I'm constantly amazed at the love there out there, in the endless universe, for me. There REALLY are people out there that love me so deeply, I struggle to fathom it. In this way I am so blessed and that trumps all things.
I'm a little surprised at how interested he is in me. He does things and I know I've been on his mind. Still, I won't let him in. He can just collect on the superficial scrapings I pass out, but he'll won't get a taste of the real person underneath the walls. I'm afraid to let him, anyone for that matter, in. Been burned so badly the fire scares me. It's a shame I won't be able to feel wholly, but what can you do when you're so jaded? Sit Adorned I suppose. One day I'll be able to trust someone with my heart. The day is not today and I won't see my therapist until next week.
I try not to hate anymore. Now when they mention his name, I don't flinch anymore. I don't want to kill him and I try not to hate him. In all honesty, I still hate him. I still wish a world of misfortune on him. The truth is, I don't have to do anything for that to happen. He is such a sick person (mentally, spiritually, and physically) that he alone will bring upon himself more damage then I could ever do. I was only ever good to him but he twist the story around and makes me sound like the evil one. The rapist is the hero and the lady is the tramp. That's how the story goes. But let me tell you something sir, heaven knows. Tall tales won't reach the gates and you won't be ascending the stairs. Your soul is dammed and your flesh will burn. You'll never love because your heart is blank. And because of that, no one will ever love you more deeply then a piece of plastic.
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