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Matt Shearer (metalmachine489) wrote,
@ 2003-05-08 01:49:00
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    Current mood: thoughtful
    Current music:Evanescence - Going Under

    It's All In Your Head....
    Fear, that is...

    The ever present primal instinct that keeps us alive long enough to do something with our short lives. Ever think, ever REALLY think about why you're afraid of what you're afraid of? Most of it is such meaningless non-life-threatening bullshit that it really makes me wonder how intelligent us humans are. I mean, we're more scared of giving a speech in front of a group of people than dying. To me, that seems a little ass-backwards. I don't know about you, but if my life depended on making a speech in front of people, I'd be up on that podium faster than anyone else. We humans also tend to fear the unknown, which explains the fears of death or the dark, not knowing what's on the other side or in the dark corner at the end of the room. It's really weird how we've taken this life-saving instinct and applied it to so many different aspects that it has, in some respect, lost it's true meaning. Fear is the feeling inside of you when there's a gun pointed to your head, or when driving your car and noticing that another car is coming straight for you and colliding into you, leaving you wondering if you'll ever get to see the beautiful faces of the ones you love so dearly. That's real fear. Not some sudden choke-up or nervousness we experience when we go to an interview or give a speech, no, that's only a taste of the fear, the tip of the iceberg of the true paralyzing and crippling effect that the brain has on the body when faced with danger. Fear not only brings out the cowardice in us, but also the vast courage that resides within each human soul. Some people are just natural masters of their fear. When they smell fear, it brings out the best in them. I know that if Samantha was ever in danger of anything, my own personal fears about death would be immediately dispelled in order to save her life. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to take a bullet for her, or shove her out of the way of an incoming car. Heh. It's funny how a lot of time love conquers fear. For the longest time (5 years to be exact) I had the worst luck with women. Rejection after rejection after rejection. Pretty soon, I was too scared to even ask a girl out on a date or talk to a girl that I liked because that fear of rejection welled up inside me so much that I just decided to hell with it. My senior year proved to be quite interesting in that respect. I had my first girlfriend in 5 years. Yeah, it rebuilt my confidence hardcore...until she dumped me for some other guy because I wasn't having sex with her. Go figure. Then I thought I might be able to try for one of my really good friends that I had had a crush on for the previous three years. Three fucking years I wanted her and she knew it too, but she played me and led me along, until finally, I said "Fuck off!" Haven't talked to her in over a year. Funny how she always tries to keep contacting me after not wanting me for all that time, is it not? But oh well. All of my past heartache, all of my past fears were dispelled the first time I laid eyes upon my Samantha. God she's gorgeous. Always was. She'll tell you differently, but I wouldn't believe her. I seemed so eased, so relaxed around her, love. And I am still with her to this day, together for 11 months, engaged for 6 of those. When it comes to fear, there always is something that makes it all worth it, something that makes it worth to step out of your comfort zone or risk your life. In my case, it's someone. Samantha. And it always will be. My greatest fear? Used to be death and sharks, among other things. Though these are still very high on my list (like, number 2 and 3) my number 1 greatest fear is losing her, for I don't know what I would do without her.

    Wow...I got talking from pure fear to pure love...

    I guess when you really think about it, they're actually quite intertwined with one another.

    That's just me. A thinker. Nothing better to do then think.

    Well, time to do some more thinking while sleeping at the same time. Hope you liked your second edition of Philosophical Bullshit with Matt Shearer!

    G'night all....

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2003-05-08 13:32 (link)
You should so write a book.

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