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matthew ryan phillippe (mattphillippe) wrote,
@ 2003-08-09 19:38:00
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    Current mood:SORE & CONTEMPLATIVE

    06 ¬ let's pack our bags don't say a word . .
    well, well. filming was put on hold seeings how i showed up for work with a deformed-looking face. i guess i was hoping make-up could hide it. i knew that there were a few people on set who weren't happy with me causing the filming's set back, but what can i say? i don't regret what happened, but i did apologize for putting a crimp in the plans. i don't know exactly. i don't recall ever being that mad before. i'm not an aggressive person. i think it was a combination of things that just caused me to . . lose it. i won't go into specifics but it's been a little stressful with focusing on work and my family. it's difficult being at work and trying to have my mind clear, but whenever i'm called for a call or my pager goes off. i can't help but worry that something might be going wrong with reese or maybe something happened with ava. especially in her condition she's not exactly sprinting miles. i feel like my attention is divided and i don't really have time for the people that matter, family and friends included. i can't recall the last time i went out with my friends and just . . talked or had a beer. i realize this is all part of the growing pains of being an adult as well as a father and husband. nonetheless i'm sure reese can relate as well. she's had work and ava as well to occupy her time with. we don't really have "us" time. not right now, but that was expected.

    whether you knew or not reese and i really are different people. our interests and pet peeves couldn't be farther apart, which is why it's also important for us to spend time with friends and people who can understand. unfortunately neither one of us have had time for much of anything. i love her more and more each year and i know we'll be all right. i'm not concerned with that, but life does get hard sometimes.

    i had a recent phone conversation with family and things were questioned and brought up such as my . . i don't excessively use drugs. i don't. with all of the chaos going on i won't lie and tell you i haven't taken a few hits, but i'm not . . worried about that either. it helps me level out.

    i suppose i should journal about chris? no.

    i'm hoping tobey's going to be all right. he endured a lot and i have to respect him for taking it. well i don't know what else to . . bore you with. if you're lucky i'll return later.

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