|Current mood:|| indifferent|
|Current music:||"Horse And Carriage"-Cam'ron and Mase|
There comes a point in everyone's life where they just don't want to live anymore. Not neccessarily contemplating suicide or whatever, but they just wanna hide out--be a hermit. I've dealt with those a lot lately, but never as strong as last night for a long time. It finally hit me--Hailie hates me, nothing with Kim will ever work out, and I've got a girl who probably questions me from time to time. I don't blame her. I haven't exactly had the cleanest past. The breakdown point, though, was realizing I no long have a friendship with her.
She's amazing. Always funny and yet she knows when she can be serious too. She's taught me so much in the very little time that I've known her. She's always had philosphical things to say about whatever situation someone is in and has such a beautiful and eloquent way of saying things.
Z, just talk to me again. Xie xie nin for everything and Wo ming nin. You know how I mean that and just always know I'm here. You're important to me, believe it or not.
A lot of things that happened has made me realize some things with Alicia. I don't know how I got so lucky to end up with her, but I am and I'm so thankful. I'm thankful for each morning that I'm able to wake up next to her and each night that I can go to sleep next to her. The nights and mornings that I can't, I feel a little empty. It's almost to the point that I need her to even feel a little calm and peaceful enough to go to sleep.
I constantly make people think that I'm some asshole guy who just doesn't give a fuck. Maybe that's the Eminem and Slim Shady side of me, but when I'm with people and actually with thm, they get Marshall Mathers, and that's the side that's caring, loving, sensitive--all of that. That's the real me. The guy who's in love, the guy who would do anything for his daughter, the guy who treasures his friendships and stays loyal to those people. I just wish everyone could see what I see when I look into the mirror. Maybe that's just wishing too much.
And I just realized how redundant every one of my entries are.
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