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Mary Anne (mary_anne) wrote,
@ 2002-05-20 18:06:00
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    Current music:Prodigy - Breathe

    The perfect spiritual/physical lover
    Today sucked, just like yesterday. But the difference today is my lovely brunette.
    I spent the morning sleeping and complaining about how much I hated the idea of going to Scott's house to study. I had one or two dirty thoughts about it, but hell, I knew nothing could really happen.

    At least not today...

    I used my PC. Yet again, I played CART PR like for 1 hour.
    I received more e-mails from the pen pal site but I didn't answer. I read some summaries and reviews of The X-Files Final Episode... it sucked!! I mean, it had some cool stuff but it definitely sucked... it made me laugh a lot. Anyway, I still would like to see it.

    In the afternoon after 2 urged calls from Scott (again to my cell phone) I went to his house. I didn't know the exact address so it took me some time to find his place. <>.
    We talked a little bit (liar, we talked a lot!) and we tried to study but we ended up talking again.

    The talk became a little *too* hot and things happened... close encounters of the B-J kind, and that was... ... ... boring. bad. definitely not the best...

    ... So all the wrong stuff started...

    I couldn't help but compare him with Danny. Damn. And Danny is still the best lover that I've ever met. That I'll ever know.
    And *that* freaks me out. That really makes me wanna cry. And the worst part is that all that happened today made me realize that I miss him a lot. I can't get over *him*... Damn.

    I left Scott's house truly convinced that I had to go to the university to see him... That would made me unhappy but I needed to see him. I needed to tell him that he's the best. Shit. I really hate myself for being so honest.

    So stupid.

    So, there I was at 6:20 pm, at his office. But we weren't alone. Ashley was there too. Nice shit. The two that caused me this painful depression and constant feeling that I don't give a fuck about anything since the last week.

    Ashley was nice with me, at least she tried. She said her usual line "babe, you were pretty lost!!" and I used this typical Dannaian kind of answer "Same phone number, Same address".
    Then we didn't really talk. She told me about her new job and what she was planning to do for Will's B-day, and I was like "Sure. Congrats. I'm in the b-day thingy. Fine. Whatever"

    Danny was nice with me, at least he tried too. He asked his usual "how are you?" and I was like "Everything's Perfect"... Gee, too fake, even though, he didn't care. No. He loved the simple and nice answer, so he preferred to believe that it was true. I guess he was just avoiding to had to deal with my eternal ramble about my troubles.
    When we were finally left alone, I told him that I loved him, that I missed him, and that he was the best. He looked surprised but happy to hear it.
    And I felt sick of realizing that I've lost again this fight against him, this little fight that he doesn't even know that I have in my head and in my heart always.

    However, I left the Office pretty bored. Sad.

    At night (9:00 pm) I called Danna because she called me first earlier, just before I got home. And we talked. correction. I talked, like for 1 hour. I complained about life, about how tired I was about it all. bout how sick I felt at its irony and cynicism. About how disgusted I was at myself. How disappointed I felt about my "friends" that couldn't/did not wanted to help me.

    And then. The nice surprise was that she said a little brilliant thing that made me feel better. with seasick but better. She used the old trick of making me believe for 5 minutes that she was leaving this country. leaving *me*... hell that was enough to made me want to puke.

    That left me with no words to say. When things are bad, there's always the possibility to get worst. And the idea of my lovely brunette leaving me, that's definitely one of the worst things that could happen.
    I love her when she just shut my mouth up. she so smart. And smart is incredibly sexy.

    At 10:00 pm I found myself staring at the black screen of my computer with nothing in my mind and a weird half-smile in my face.

    I still feel empty. Abandoned. But better. Thanks to my girl who said that she loved me again today.



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