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Mary Anne (mary_anne) wrote,
@ 2002-06-06 18:16:00
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    Current mood: annoyed
    Current music:Prodigy - Narayan

    Paying debts. Getting into more ~_~
    Well today my dad paid my semester and the subject I have to take in this month. I guess I'm still lucky.

    Yesterday I spent the whole day waiting for the bills. And of course I did a lot of "social life" LOL. I talked to Karen and she finally told me her dark secret and it's full name: Chris Atkinson. Incredible but true. She's definitely in love. It was funny when I saw them together, they were both nervous, LOL!

    Karen & I talked a long time about our torments. Now we share dark secrets. And I found in her someone who understands those freaky feelings/thoughts of having a baby with the completely impossible guy... gee, that was cool and scary.

    The love that a woman feels for a man is sick, obsessive and out of proportion.
    The love that a woman feels for another woman is intense, pure and real.

    When you try to love a woman the way you love a man you put your relationship in danger of being lost for nothing.

    Whatever.

    It's really scary how a 18-years-old-single-girl conceive the idea of having a child with a man too old for her, married, never-been-in-love with her, who will never ever be her man... a child to keep him with her for ever... wow, still gives me chills down my spine.
    I thought about it once. I conceived that idea, although I knew it could ruin my life... I felt I could love this kid for ever... it's so sick.

    And Karen considered that idea too. It could be easier for her now that she's married, but it's equally scary.

    Why can't she be happy with her wonderful husband?? why is human nature so perverted?? I hate it, but I love it.

    What's the point? Falling into the shit-pool to get up...?? so what? life is senseless sometimes... will I ever understand it??

    NOTE: the stupid phone line is screwed and I can't use internet, it sucks!



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