The weird thing is... i do look a year older. i mean i looked in the mirror today at gram's house, and you could literally tell i was more mature. or maybe i was just severly depressed and it gave off the same effect-- i don't know. but WOW-- i'm a year older and i couldn't hate it more.
so none of my friends spoke to each other this morning. aly asked me where meg was. meg didn't say a god damn thing or even LOOK at me... which really makes me mad, cuz she could have at least apologized for blowing me off friday night and making me miss the play. everyone else treated me like vapor except staab, who complimented me on my blazer. i went and talked to clayton and i started crying. i really hate crying over my friends, especially when they're so stupid.
so i dazed off in french. and five minutes into bio i got a pass to go to the nurse and i left. gram came and got me right as announcements went on... i heard my birthday announced to the entire school. not that anyone was around me to say happy birthday or anything. a few minutes before that, billy was walking from PE and wished me a happy birthday. it's funny how the people you talk to the least remember the most about you. none of my "friends" so much as said hello.
so i went to grams and ate an entire bag of cadbury mini eggs, and had soup, and slept and watched a lot of trashy daytime soap operas. she gave me a very beautiful heart necklace and 85 dollars and some candy and i was happy and i appreciated it. mom came and got me at 430 or so, and we stopped at dollar general for more cold medicine for me. i finally told her about me hating my friends. she didn't say much. i hate that. i'm in such a horrible mood because of them and it's my god damn birthday.
yeah and then clayton and i got into a fight cuz he said i didn't sound like i wanted to see him. i'd love to see him, him and jamie are the only people i care to see today cuz theyr'e the only two people i love. i don't want to hear a god damn word from any one of my ex-friends. maybe if they acknowledged me on normal days... i would have liked hearing happy birthday from them much more.
at dollar general i was reminded of the last time i really had fun. summer after 7th grade-- me and sam. i was reminded because i was looking at makeup in dg, and i rememebered the day sam decided she wanted to be gothic, so we went and got a whole bunch of cheap dark makeup and paraded around town with andy. it was the day after she got her haircut. it was a great summer... i miss that summer, i miss the friends i had.
yeah so unhappy birthday to me. i hate being 15. but my cake is coming on the schwan's truck soon, so that's my only perk. amen.
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