|Current mood:|| sick|
|Current music:||I'll Never Fall In Love Again-- Get over it (movie!)|
It's come to my attention that i haven't been able to sleep very well in the last few days... i wake up in the middle of the night the stuffiest nose ever, and when i sniffle it makes my sore throat even sorer, and then i get distraught cuz i can't sleep so i start crying and that makes my head start to pound, and then i get so flustered my stomach starts building up all this acid up through my throat and... geez. we have no medicine in this house, cuz it's all in my pill box. which is at CLAYTON'S house still. i think. god dammit i can barely move.
so this has been my weekend of laziness. it's not like i MEANT to, necisarilly, but i woke up and accidently went to hbo and it turns out there's either a free preview weekend on all the channels, or the satellite company made a big mistake and we get them for free forever. either way, i found a different movie to watch all day. and my track meet got cancelled, further killing my plan to get out of the house. i called clayton but he was busy with his cousins. jamie called a little before that, but he was already going to danny's house. so i watched movies and watched movies and watched movies and watched movies, and attempted to organize my closet. this kept on till about 8 when clayton called and wanted to come over. i was glad he came but it was really gay because my mom has this thing with not trusting me an ounce since megan and shane went and fucked. fucked each other AND fucked up my chances of being alone with clayton. i can't even have the god damn door shut, she freaked out when the lights were off and we were both lying on my bed. ON OPPOSITE FUCKING SIDES, EVEN. my mom is by far the biggest bitch i've ever met. i couldn't even fucking kiss clayton because i was scared she was going to freak out when she came in and think we were having sex. which just goes to show how very little my mom knows me and makes attempts to talk to me-- or else she'd probably know i haven't actually hung out with with my friends since that awful night at hilary's when everyone went and had a sexual noah's ark. i'm not like that! i don't dig the whole sex thing... i'm too god damn young for those kind of complications. not that my mom thinks that. for all i can tell, she thinks i've slept with a half a million guys already. NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE, NOT EVEN BY ONE PERCENT. i hate her for it... it sucked completely. i mean, the whole having clayton there for once was nice, but the whole mom thing was bullshit. me and him were watching the sunday night sex show (we usually watch it on the phone but for once he was here) and she came in and saw and kept giving me the nastiest looks. WHAT THE FUCK. i hate her i hate her i hate her. i wish she actually knew me. i wish she trusted me. ha, wishful thinking, huh? she's been incredibly hostile to me all morning, so she must think i was doing something. how far from the truth. i wish-- then she'd actually have grounds for suspicion.
anyway. i'm wasting away and i'm sick as hell and i'm bored as hell and i hate my family and all my friends. that's about it. it's a very sad thing. i keep crying sporatically over really stupid thing. jamie called a little while ago and i was trying to sleep so i didn't pick it up, and john yelled at me because i asked him to pick up the phone once in a while when the phone's for me. sorry i'm fucking sick. god. i cried. and i cried like 50 in the last 3 days. not that my mom cares or anything. friday when i called her up sobbing she never even tried to console me... she WANTS me to be a friendless spinster for the rest of my life. fine by me.
i don't think i'm going to school tomorrow. it's my birthday, i'm probably still going to be sick, and i haven't taken a day off all semester. mom should let me and if she doesn't i'll leave in the middle of first period anyway. i don't want to put up with my so-called friends on what is supposed to be a "happy" day.
(Post a new comment)