| Current mood: |  tired |
| Current music: | Coldplay- Clocks |
I hate my mother with an unrelenting grudge deep within my bones
I feel like my head is going to explode all over my walls. i just do. my throat is choking me, my stomach is slashing itself, and my head is combusting. it might be my nerves-- meet tomorrow. and i suck, utterly and completely. i don't want to let leve down, i want to be good. but i SUCKKKK.
the whole of my day has also sucked. i spent the morning bashing aly nick krissy kristen jared vicki nat and whoever else suddenly decided to take the seats we founded against the lockers. it really made me sick this time, thinking about all these assholes. nick's been writing these "songs" for aly, and ali had em so i read a few....... oh my god. what CRAP. i've never felt so sorry for someone in my life, cuz i bet he thinks they're good.
the rest of the day consisted of floating around in shutdown mode, not exactly talking to clayton or anyone else for that matter.
i came home and ate and sat there for a while... waited for clayton to call, but every time he did he had to go after 3 minutes and said he'd "call back later". which he never did. jamie called me and i had a great chat with hiim... thank god for someone, i'm glad i at least have jamie. after that i took a bath and got my track stuff ready for tomorrow. realized i was completely unprepared. read for a while. watched some sundance. went down in my bedroom and zoned for an hour. clayton called but then my mom secretly went on speakerphone and heard me call her a fucking whore and she kicked me off. what a stupid bitch, i fucking hate her and i hope she knows it.
so now.................... now what?
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