xHotelxBellaxMuertex (mallowheart) wrote, @ 2005-03-26 19:46:00

Current mood:	disappointed
Current music:	Hawthorn Heights

Real Bad
My arm is really looking bad now. The whole top of my arm has cuts. The scary thing is that I think it's beautiful. It's cool how I can take part of my body and make it into a work of art. And it's all my own. I've taken my pain and turned it into something tangible. And my mom thinks everything is okay. LOL.....
Last night we went to the hospital to see Kristyna and her new baby Makayla. On the way home, I was listening to "Buried a Lie" by Senses Fail on my iPod. I was singing along, and my mom told me to shut up cuz she "didn't like the words". I told her what the song was about, but she wouldn't even listen.
After her saying that, I realized that I'm living a lie to her. She thinks that she knows me so well, when in fact she knows nothing. I can't tell her bout my cuts, I can't share my sexual tendencies or my poetry, and I can't even share the one thing that makes me happiest: music. She hates all of it. So now I'm just this blob of nothing to her, and it makes me really upset. The only people who know anything about me are my friends, and it really shouldn't be that way. I want to be open with my mom. But she would hate me more than she already does. Shit.

no worries ernavy26 2005-03-27 00:01 (link)

Look i'm 25 years old. I recently had lost my father. Now the only person left is my mom. But growing I felt my parents didn't know me and they didn't. But as I moved and moved on with my life. I relized that damn they don't even now me now. They only here to help take care as you grow and some parents can't even manage that. but anyways, just do your thing and be yourself. I'm as I been though the some thing, that evently your move and get a job doing what you want. Relaize that your mom even though she doesn't not know you as the person you are but she does that she loves and you are her daugther or she wouldn't tell she doesn't like or that. Or tell you to do this or that. if she did not care about you she would not say a word to you. Here for you Eric (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: no worries mallowheart 2005-03-28 12:19 (link)
	thank you for your words. they really are helpful. its nice to hear something from someone older too..... cuz in this case, you are more experienced in life.... thanx... :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: no worries ernavy26 2005-03-29 19:33 (link)
	Hey if ever need to talk let me know. I'll listen and chat back. Take care of yourself. Eric (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: no worries mallowheart 2005-03-30 10:20 (link)
	i would really LOVE to talk.... sometimes people wanna talk to me, and then i feel bad because i dont wanna put my problems or issues on you too..... so it's totally up to you if you'd wish to listen to a raving lunatic...lol (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: no worries ernavy26 2005-03-31 11:02 (link)
	I would really love to listen and help out. Don't feel bad if you have prblems or issues I'll listen and try to help. My email address is ernavy26@yahoo.com. If you want to email me. For reals write and I will get back to you. Hope to here from Eric (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chasingbliss 2005-03-27 20:28 (link)

Meghan...u never called me back...besides that I that your afraid to talk to your mom...but sometimes ppl surprise you...maybe you don't have to share everything with her, but you could share some of it (now don't tell me i don't follow my own advice cause i know that...lol). I love you a lot Meghan and i can just hope to be half the friend you've been to me. Im here if you need me and im only a phone call away for this week, then i'll be a 15 minute drive... Love you, Jenny (Reply to this) (Thread)

	mallowheart 2005-03-28 12:20 (link)
	sorry i didnt call you back. we started eating easter dinner, and my mom wouldnt let me eat in my room. but i love you so much jenny. you always know how to make me feel better..... thanks sooo much... meg (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chasingbliss 2005-03-28 13:59 (link)

its okay..just figured i'd remind you, how was easter with your family...did u send me a text..i got this weird text from a number that wouldn't show up...hrm...suspicious. i', glad i make u feel better...although i don't think so...i g2g to Brookings...call me!! I can only spend so much time with my uncle's pervie friend that apparently was hitting on my mom...u really need to call me!! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)