|Current mood:|| gloomy|
|Current music:||Must get out|
Perhaps how you wake, affects your day.
Today i woke w/ a set of strong emotions, panic, and guilt. The music on my alarm could have woke the whole house. At least at this point i was no longer in any mood to sleep.
As i was walking to my bathroom to do my makeup and what-not, i felt an overwhelming need to see my mother, to smell her, to hear her, to feel her precence. I almost cried.
This is strange for me, one because she only left this morning and I saw her last night and second, because normally when she leaves I am so busy that I dont really think about her absence, but i am no less active than normal at the moment.
Saw a wood pecker today. This made me wonder if I am self centered, or that my ego is to big. Noted to self.
My bus was late again, 15 min today. Tried to move leaves and pebbles with my mind while waiting. No success yet.
French test tomorrow. math too. That stinks math is boring and i suck at french.
Boring day mainly, way too confusing for a monday. not that mondays are really any different from tuesdays.
Ate lunch in the sun. Practically choked on my food. This is normal.
Played a contemplative culture game in Braman.
Screamed in fear and shock for the second time today in orchestra, Added interesting soud-effects to the song though.
Got a 66% on a math quiz from friday, stupid mistakes, stupid me.
Forgot about it, daydreaming in Jordan's wonderful smell.
Realized last night that I hadnt though about my mothers words of improvement for me recently. Making mental note to continue thinking about them, at least sub conciously.
Started reading "the song reader". Very good book. Many ideas to think about.
Felt a huge loss over Byron suddenly while waiting for the swim bus. Missed him so incredibly much. Loved the times we had together, almost cried, again.
Could hardly stand Helens rantings about school and how much homework we had, and how was she going to finish it all? Do I care? She always gets it done and done perfectly. I dont care enough. These are her normal sayings though, why did they drive me up the wall today?
Had a horrible headache after swimming, before soccer, downed two advil. Still sick.
Sore from lunges and 100 pushups. no exaggeration.
Need to fix up my school work. I need to get into Harvord. It all seems way out of my reach now though, no world leading, no being famous. no helping people, no making a difference. Nothing, just another average life, not going to stand for it.
Confused by the loss of the guppie i got yesterday, it has dissapeared off the face of the earth. My dad couldnt find it in my aquarium either. Its gone, but where we may never know. Ill have to get another. Loves, my short lived Flair.
Too tired to really manage any emotions at the moment. Wondering why my day has been so emotionally rocky and if Im becoming shallow.. Or maybe its just the process in which i become aware of a greater meaning...or not
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-throws a piece of chex mix at helen- darn those perfect people, eh? Normal choking, yes... YOu choked today too, eh? Moose.
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Did you know that in Alaska, moose are getting caught in swing sets and hammocks? Its rather funny. Something to do with their need to get the summer felt off their antlers. I need to go to Alaska.|
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