two n jenn (luxy) wrote, @ 2004-01-22 12:32:00

Current mood:	depressed
Current music:	perfect circle

pay no mind
well, at least i feel like i used to have friends..

man.. i was so happy to take a break from having a full-time job. i was so sure that i'd spend my newfound free time with friends and be having fun all day long every day. but see.. to do that, you kinda need friends.. don't get me wrong, ashley and aly, i love you guys soooo much.. but you both have jobs.. so does courtney, but i hardly hung out with her anyway.. same goes with jessy. so now i just spend time with david and his friends whenever i can go to crosby or he can come here.. but theres only so much time you can spend with your boyfriend before you need some breathing space, not to mention a little estrogen.

meh, i dont know what im trying to say. i guess its my fault i dont really call anyone anymore. i just dont feel like anyone wants me around. sometimes when i try to call people, i feel like im bothering them because they normally always have plans, and never call me back to make other plans for a different day.

i dont even get im's anymore. thats sad. i used to talk to like 28932038 people at the same time, and id always get at least 10 messages left on my away message. now its been about.. 0.. for the past.. 2 months? yeah, go me.

im getting cabin fever, being trapped here in my room for such long periods of time. whenever i try to venture out to either the living room or kitchen, i have to make it quick before i get caught up in another family feud filled with endless drama. so i just sleep. ive slept so much lately that i feel like ive been living more in my dreams than in real life. thats unhealthy. i feel unhealthy. i want to go out and exercise but i dont have the energy. i feel like im in a rut that i cant get out of. its like i dug my way into here and forgot the ladder.

i need to start on scholarship essays. ive had so much time to do them and i never feel like it. i probably never will, its just gonna be a matter of being forced to do it by my dad. shows how motivated i am. oh yeah ill do great in college, sure thing.

what i really need is a job. when i had it, i complained so much.. but you know, ironically, it actually kept me happy. it kept me busy, out of the house, and always in a social atmosphere. plus i had that money thing.. which is quite nice.. extremely nice once you dont have it anymore. ive tried, ive filled out applications and have been calling people who were supposedly going to hook me up and stuff.. i guess im not trying hard enough, or its just my tough luck and no one's hiring.

also, its kinda funny.. back when i was happily employed, days off were wonderful. i actually made something of them most of the time, and it felt like i had soo much time in a day because it wasnt spent working. whatever happened to that?

what happened to my life?

god. i hate myself for throwing a gigantic pity party, but a journals the only thing i can take all this crap out on.

failurebydezyne 2004-01-23 14:12 (link)

babe, if i had been home this week i def woulda hungout with u. :-/ i know i have a job and it takes up my entire weekend, but i dont work at ALL during the week. and i know what u mean about needin some estrogen. heh. but lets make a deal k? every...hmm..monday? tuesday? or something...after school we do something. it will be or jenaly day. we can go to lunch or go thrifting or exercise or whatever you wanna do. k? k. it will be our one day away from boyfriends, and work, and junk. i mean we can always hangout MORE than that...hehehe. but this is just to insure that we WILL, under any circumstance, hangout at least once a week. just gimme some input on when u want our day to be! love u darling. on a side note i know exactly how u feel. (like u have no friends) i mean the entire tiem i was gone you were the only person who called to see how i was doing! that meant sooo much to me that you did that.. it just goes to show no one cares very much (except you of course) yaknow? bleh. anyways no matter what happens babe you will ALWAYS have aly. always always. at least weve got each otha. other people are silly anyway. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: luxy 2004-01-24 16:52 (link)
	awwwwwww i love you so much!! having a jenaly day is a greaaaat idea. i saaaayy.. tuesday.. cause mondays are normally when i have dr appts and stuff. yeaahh, awesome :) tuesday=jenaly day. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mulciber <-- (Anonymous) 2004-01-31 05:16 (link)
	I have no estrogen to give, but you can call me whenever you like. Infact, please do call me saturday or sunday :) (Reply to this) (Thread)