Just so you all know: I love my husband. My husband, thank God, my husband. And the sex is good, too.
So, yes, ladies and gentlemen, a bit has happened. I'm not getting into the thing with Ashlee. Frankly, I still feel like a stupid ass, and I've already been forgiven. There are other things I have to deal with right now.
I'm trying to hard to be strong. I take care of Faith, and I take care of JC. Don't get me wrong. I love having a reason to be with them more. My life depends so much on those two. I just. I get so angry sometimes. Why? Why this? After everything else? In times of trouble, I would go to church, always did. It used to be so calming, so helpful. But last time, I just had to leave. I couldn't stand to be there. Is this some kind of punishment? Did we do something wrong? Was every priest in my childhood right about gays and hellfire and brimstone? Why do I have faith in that kind of God?
Fuck, I'd sell my soul to the devil himself for a lifetime with my family.
'Til death do us part and beyond then.
I know I keep showing everyone this side of me that seems to have given up. I know I seem weak a lot. I feel it deep inside me. He's going to make it. He's gotta. I would stake my life on that. He will.
It just hurts because. I see him and it seems like I'm lying to myself. Just take him into my arms. Protect my family from all the troubles. It hurts because it always seems like I'm wrong. I wish with all my heart I'm not.
Onto. Onto happier things, yes. Because I don't want anyone trying to kill themselves after reading this. It seems like congratulations are in order. Jen and Ashton sprung a rather surprising....surprise? on us all. They just got married. It is 8.15AM right now. I don't expect either of them to read this until mid-afternoon or later. They should be in bed, enjoying last night and today. Cherish this time, guys. The first day always goes so fast and it is perfect, but you won't be able to hold onto it.
Life's funny like that. From extreme happiness to settling into this rather content feeling.
Hey, did you know I have a truly adorable daughter? I would say the most adorable, but I'd rather not get into any debates against any mothers around here. But she is a gem. She so concerned for her daddy. She wants to be a great singer. Yes, like her daddy. Like Jayce. Not like me, oh, no. I'm not letting her becoming a singer like me. Jayce is who just about any singer should aspire to be like. Putting everything in him into everything he does.
Did you catch him on The Tom Green Show? He beat my time in the water tank. But you know, I forgive him. That is lung capacity. That kind of skill is helpful. *cough* In the hot tub.
Okay. You all were such an attentive audience. How about some
Nice, Jayce. No more cheerleaders for you! No, I'm serious. None. Zip. If you want, I'll put on a little cheerleader suit for you, but no real cheerleaders. Or fake cheerleaders. Especially the kind that sit on your lap. No.
How can someone just sit in traffic and look so hot at the same time. I'm fucking lucky. That's all there is to it.
Yeah, you laugh at my basketball skills. My team still won. *sto*
 For all those that didn't believe that Jayce was really that badly burned, hah. My poor baby. Next time, just go naked, baby. Wait. I thought we did go nekkid.
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