| Current mood: | hated |
| Current music: | none |
me and my mom got into this huge fight. my lip was bleeding but thats about it. she hates me. she really does. she thinks that im going around and sleeping with every guy and girl that i know. she thinks that when i go for walks, that im really going to random peoples houses and having sex with them. she called me a slut, a lying bitch, immature and everything else. she thinks that me austin and gabe have massive orgies when im over there. all because there was a picture of gabe laying down on his bed, and rocco *his little dog* was next to him, and i was sitting on a chair next to the bed because we were all watching TV and i leaned over to pet rocco, and austin took a picture my mom said "oh your only half way on the bed for the picture" she thinks that when i go over there, im all over gabe and austin. and its bullshit. gabes brother drinks right? beer. and he was sitting aqround watching a basketball game in the living room, he comes in gabes room as we were playing some stupid video game on x-box and he has a beer in his hand, to tell us the score, and i took a picture of him, because it was my last picture and i wanted to waste it. and the beer was in the picture so what!! he's lke 20!! so now my mom thinks that im drinking too. she told me that shes sick of my "whoring around". man, so much happend last night, and i dont even know where else to start. hmm.. all this started because she assumed i was out somewheres else. because alright, heres what happend. i went babysitting yesterday with danielle right, and i left danielle's house like around 6:40 and got home around 7:30, i walked around the block, likle i ALWAYS do, but today she KNEW i was doing something because im a slut. all i was doing was walking. anyways, so i get home, i tell her all this good news like im thinking about joining a track team next year and that i get to babysit and make 30 bucks this week, and she starts saying "i dont believe one word thats coming out of your mouth where have you been" blah blah blah and im like walking. and she freaked out. "you mean you go walking all by yourself for an hour before you come home da da da ta da and she freaks out. she makes me sit down right next to her, give her danielles phone number and all that shit. so mom calls danielle, and danielle was writting a letter to uri because hes in chicago *uri is her boyfriend* and time passed her by quickly. shes like "kristen left just a few minutes ago" OR SO IT SEEMED so my mom freaks out. starts hitting me and shit *not allowed to get into that* so i called danielle back and was like "danielle WTF i left your house like an hour ago" she asked what time it was, i told her, and shes like "omg kristen im so sorry, i didnt relize th at that much time has passed let me talk to your mom let me talk to your mom" but my moms mind was already set that i was lying. she wouldnt believe me no matter what. so thats when the fighting started. i even came hom.. beat red... sweating... anyone who knows me knows that i am physically uncapable of sweating unless completely over heated. hence, walking for like 45 minutes to an hour. yea, somehow, when we fight, everything gets brought up. how come im always the bad one? i have the bad luck. shes like
"your not allowed to sleep over austins anymore"
"why not mom?"
"becuase your 15 years old, your a fucking liar, you hang up on your mother when she calls you over there"
"mom i called you, you told me i was going 'hog wild' and started making me feel like shit like you tend to do often"
"ooo here comes the drama queen"
"MOM listen to me"
"no you listen to me"
then we started yelling again, she got into calling austins mom names, like a lazy bitch and all of that shit because sherrie is getting sick of picking me up and driving me. *sherrie is his mom* shes spent over 1000 dollars on gas in the past year to pick me and and take me home. and moms all like dean works 16 hours a day all this other bullshit.
"mom thats not the point.. sherrie is getting tired of spending all this money and time on gas she has better things to do.. she works hard.."
"well then thats her fucking problem"
"no mom its mine, im sorry if austin makes me happy"
then she said something along the lines of sherrie being irresponsible because me and austin can "fuck under her roof" by the point i walked away. i went in my room and cried.. i couldnt help but do so. when me and my mom fight, everything gets brought up. everything. and eveything is my fault. and im a liar and all this other shit with some whore and slut tossed on the side. so it was me against mom and dean. man guys, im sorry this is so long, i guarantee noone will read this all comment if you do, im just curious. so igo into my room and cry, because thats all im allowed to do. i wasnt even allowed to light my candles because i was too immature to do that. and to handle that responsibility. anyways. so i go into my room, and like an hour later. i was in my room, doing my thing, and she knocks on the door, i let her in, she looks me straight in the eye.. and just gave me a hug, and i felt happy, like we were all happy. then she said it. the one thing that i dunno.. made me feel like i was a failure to my mother, like im the worst daughter in the world "kristen, no matter how hard i try, you always go down the wrong path, no matter how hard i try" i just started crying and said "im a good kid mom, i really am" and she just ignored me, "im going to bed, goodnight" im never going to forget what she said to me, how she said it, and how i felt my heart crush once she said it. i couldnt help but cry for 4 hours straight. we started fighting like 5 minutes after i got into the door, i was crying from then until 11:20 ish. *im good at time im sorry*and i dont know what to do anymore. i cant go for walks, she doesnt believe me when i say im going for a walk, she thinks im going other things, and she wont believe me, she doesnt believe me on anything, you have no idea how bad that makes me feel, my own mother doesnt even trust me, or love me. neither does dean. maybe they do love me, they just have a really weird way of saying it, and showing it. im sorry this was so long.
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