krystal (czangel) wrote in lostyou, @ 2003-06-25 00:18:00

This is something a little bit different. A twist , if you will.

maybe I had a problem with commitments. So when we hung out ( after you came over to see Jamie and Simona ) , I feigned interest in you. You acted immature for your age ( 23 ) , wrapping my knotty belt around your thick waste , attemtping to stretch out the leather. You picked up my screen name and we started talking. It was akward and contrite at first; we talked about nothing. I thought that this was just normal getting-to-know-you jitters and formalities. I didn't realize that you were that shallow and unintelligent.

You told me that you weren't like "other guys" , as you refer to them. When I pointed out that all of the bad boyfriends I ever had used that line , it offended you. You said it was because you knew that you were better. I know now it's because you are convinced that you are better. You made a comment about my choices in everything - clothing , friends , music. You called me a whore ( because I had used drugs in the past , and apparently only whores would touch illegal substances ) right before telling me that you would rather a person snort crack than smoke marijuana. I should have left right then. It was two months.

But I didn't. Phai told me to. Jamie told me to. Jill told me to. Erica told me to. Brandy even told me to , and she isn't good at giving advice. "He tries to control you ," she said. She was right; he picked on my views , and told me that if we were to have any sort of future , I would have to be a stay-at-home mother and have his child , Vince B----- the 4th. No , thank you. I'm sorry that I think women are more than kitchen utensils. I'm sorry that I don't believe in racial discrimination. I am sorry that I disagree with some of the teachings of the Catholic church. I'm sorry that I'm me. The one thing that I truly am sorry about is that my stubborness got in the way of my happiness. I wanted my friends to be wrong about you. I wanted to be right about a guy , for once.

The first time I broke it off , you left me at the movies. "Reliable Phai" had to come and pick my sorry ass up. He told me so , although he never once rubbed it in. I didn't want to talk to you after that , but it was your birthday on Saturday. I left a voicemail that said "happy birthday" and nothing else.

We made a deal that , in a few weeks , you would visit , and we would talk , stricly as friends. Well , imagine my surprise when you insisted we were getting back together , insisting that I said I wanted it. When I said , let me think , I'm not sure , you tried to make me feel stupid again. Out of sheer worry , I agreed. I didnt' want to be stranded in Wilkes-Barre.

I dumped you the next day , over AIM. I was scared to see you. I didn't want you near me ever again. That was a Thursday night , a Thursday night I will never forget. It was January 30. You called me terrible names , awful names , accused me of cheating ( when YOU were running around on me ) , and swearing that my friends controlled my life. I was hurt , victim of a bruised ego , but happy , in a sick way. I knew that I could do it on her own , that I didn't need anyone else to ensure my happiness. I controlled my own life.

January 31 - Jordan , the greatest female friend that I have , invited me to a party at her friend's apartment. She told me that I needed to "rebel" ( he grew angry when I drank ) and "let loose". That I did - and , in the process , met several new people that made me feel as if I had a place there , although it was my first time meeting many of them. I met a bunch of "the girls" ( as Jordy calls them ) and three guys , to be exact ( three that I had conversations with , I met many more that I dont' recall). One of those guys was Mark. He's a Republican and very interested in political matters. That is the first and only time that I ever had a serious political discussion while smashed. It was liberating. You never cared about issues like that. The second one was Frank , the boyfriend of one of Jordy's close friends. He asked me where my boyfriend is ( there was many couples ) , and I laughed and said "Dumped the loser one day ago! I rule!". He patted me on the back and told me that any girl like me deserves a great boyfriend. He called me beautiful , which should have bothered me , but didn't. He met it as a compliment , not a sexual innuendo. Whenever you said it , it sounded filthy , mostly because it was your way to pry into my panties.

The third and most important meeting was with someone who is now very special to me. I met him early on in the night , and he more-or-less tailed me around the crowded , dingy apartment for the better part of the night. It was fun. That's right , Vince. I met my Eric the DAY AFTER I lost you , for good. Our relationship has progressed from drunken meeting to innocent online chatting to much , much more. He loves me , Vince , and I love him. That's right - I say that with pride. I don't hesitate. I don't care who knows.

The relationship I share with Eric is a happy surprise. He trusts me completely. I don't have to worry about him "partying" with shady girls. I don't have to go home at night feeling stupid or trashy because of a comment you made. I don't have to stick up for him to my friends. My family adores him. His family is normal. I don't have to worry about anything when I'm with him. We "debate" . . . well , everything. I love having someone out there to challenge me in my beliefs and ideas.

This letter has been much longer than I originally intended, and for that , I apologize. I can not fit how I feel about you into pages , or words , or maybe even chapters. My main point ( and why I chose to post this in here ) is this: Vincent B--- , I might have "lost" you ( as you oh-so-gracefully say it ) , but I found other things , better things.

They are , not in this order:


1.) Eric James
2.) Krystal

I love them both fiercely , albeit in different ways. Those things keep me going , always.



Formally ,
Krystal

	pictureyellow 2003-06-25 11:08 (link)
	i remember the end of that story. about how you met your bf. i'm glad you go away from the other guy. he seems like all he would end up doing is killing you in the end. you are better now, so it's a good thing you "lost" the first guy. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	teedy 2003-07-03 19:34 (link)
	Power to you keep it safe (Reply to this) (Thread)