You fucking referred to me as "she". Not she , but "she". There is a subtle grammatical difference , but for you , it's an immense difference in meaning. You use the word "she" to refer to people that you despise , people you are talking bad about , like what is she wearing? I know , because you told me. You also told me that "We" would last forever. Well , we didn't , did we? You stupid piece of shit. You made me think that I was actually worth something , and , by doing this , proved to me that maybe I'm not , or maybe , you aren't.
When I was out making all those mistakes , not once did you tell me what I was doing , not a single time. MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND DIDN"T HAVE THE BALLS TO SPEAK UP TO ME. I fucked a kid that I knew for 2 weeks! We weren't even together. I just did him. I'm not even sure why.I smoked pot for 4 days straight , and then drank the next few after that. You knew. I was hurting myself. I didn't see it. I felt great. I had fun. Instead of having a frank talk with me , you cut me off , bit by bit , until we were more like acquaintances than Joey and Dawson. We had a heart-to-heart , and worked out , after my other , not as close friends straightened me out. You took me when I was good. Screw the bad times , Krystal was your "good times" friend. We always worked out. No more.
You might have done some things that you have regretted too. SO WHAT? I always told you how I felt. I tried to take care of you. None of that mattered , in the end. You tried to kill yourself. I talked you out of it. You don't remember , do you? I do. I remember hearing " I wish I had never been born" and " it's easy to fix". I told you how much I needed you , and how much everyone else needed you. I listened. I didn't judge. I tried to find you help. When that didn't work , I let you tell me. Did you tell anyone else? DIDN'T THINK SO. I knew that you had problems ; I didn't gossip or spread it around , like your other "best" friends would. I thought I understood you. I guess not. Or maybe I understand you now more , and that is what is bothering me the most.
Why did you tell everyone that I always need someone? You made it sound like I'm dirty or bad. I'm not. Why did you make those awful comments about my boyfriend and my lovelife in general? ARE YOU JEALOUS THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME FOR A CHANGE? Does it bother you to think that someone besides you has a place set in my life? I'm sorry to break this to you , but you aren't my world. You aren't even on the radar anymore , and maybe you were on it for too long.
Why did you say those awful things about Eric? For someone you have never met , you have an entire book's worth of insults for. He hasn't pressed me to move too far , too fast. He makes me feel like he is lucky to have found me. He cares about me. I'm sure he would love to hear what you call him - "Tweek" is such a flattering , sweet nickname , it truly is. You make it sound like the only person who would want to be with me would have to have some sort of defect , like I'm damaged goods or something. I'm not , and he isn't. Maybe you are the one with the problem. Maybe Eric means more to me than you , and you got scared.
After all of this , I can say that the only thing I regret was calling you 2 weeks ago. I'll never do it again , that I'm sure of. I found me , and I love her more than I will love you or anyone else , ever again.
I didn't lose too much ; you lost a whole lot.
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