| Current mood: |  angry |
| Current music: | thursday- dying in new brunswick |
wait for no one, tell it like it is. . .
i hate myself and i hate everything about me. i want to shrivel up and die. why do i have to have the problems i have because for the first time, things seem out of my control. and im dieing. i cant deal with these things, there so much bigger than i am and im scared. very scared. and i hate you because ive been there for you no matter what and the one fucking time i might need you because im going to have an emotional breakdown and your not fucking there because you were off being an asshole. and i hate to think that i actually thought i could depend on you for half a second. what was i thinking. you "had something to do" and couldnt. i hate you. that was so fucked up. i sat crying and breaking down and needed a familiar face and i fucking wanted yours and you...where were you? not in the cafeteria
now my parents think i have more problems than ever and i lost count at where i left off with everything and i dont like talking to many people anymore and im closing up. im trying to hide and get away but people come chasing after me. my head is spinning and my heart is broken and im broken...and i dont break.
time to close my eyes, forget about this mess...
im so afraid of being alone. im so afraid of this vacation. im so afraid of tomorrow. im so afraid of falling asleep. im so afraid of waking up. i dont want to live till tomorrow i want to die now so i dont have to deal with anything. call me weak, but thats what i am. i need someone right now, but at the same time i dont want anyone. i want to like myself. i want my heart to stop right now....
pointlessness...
gone~
where have you been all my life?
(Post a new comment)
(Post a new comment)
|
