jules (lostsomewhere) wrote, @ 2004-03-20 17:01:00

Current mood:	discontent
Current music:	go mordecai - check your blind spot birth right

and for the record, i always was true. . .
i have this sick sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach all day...not unlike one ive had many times before. its a haunting feeling, one of unsettlement and upset.

i feel like i want to erase yesterday from history, tear it from the book of existence. there is no explanation or rationalization for it. i suck.

i just came home from michelle's sweet sixteen where there was a psychic. she told me things that were more than true and scary. i didnt tell you everything because i cant. i didnt want to know or think about what she said to me because maybe i feared it so much.

my mom just had an interesting talk with me. i feel like throwing up now.

ive felt this way all day- no its not a hangover.

i want things to go back to the way they were. back to 6th grade when i still was oblivious to everything. i didnt know pain or heartache or loss. all i knew was my happy-go-lucky life which i would soon watch shatter to pieces in front of my eyes.

i think im going to lay off drugs again. ive had my fun...

according to my mother im different; im special. i honestly have no idea what she means by that. that scared me.

im upset now and i feel weird. im going to go change clothes and clean my room.

later~






ill give you one last chance to make this up to me. dont let this slide. i wont do this for anybody, not everybody. please dont leave me second-guessing whats on your mind cause my thoughts tend to betray you. so now's your time. your excuse is july just came and left. you want my forgiveness dont you? your attempts are pitiful at best. ive tried to put the past behind me, what do i get? cant stop this hurtful haunting...and my blood runs cold, and i wish someone would wrap theyre hands around my throat and squeeze hard to take me away with a jinx on his fate. thats the one thing i cant take.

	lynda (Anonymous) 2004-03-20 19:20 (link)
	you dont want to go back to sixth grade. dont live life regretting all your actions, or dwelling on the past, just learn from your experiences and let them help shape the person you are. if you went back to sixth grade i would go back to being just a vague childhood memory, and i'm very happy that you are in my life again, i wouldn't want that to change. (Reply to this) (Thread)