| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | The Radio-B102.9 |
I know I said I would update everyday
I was suppose to update everyday but I havent.
Ive been too busy with a lot of stuff I guess you could say.
Ive mostly been busy with talking to Usman on the computer till odd hours of the night and early morning.
Of course the same problem lingers in our friendship/relationship.
I dont really think I said what the problem was but just know that I will never give in to what he wants.
Im not ready to do something that will have me loose my self respect. Sorry!
I really in love with him and it just hurts me because he always seems to be putting me down and stuff.
I dont think we are "running in the same direction."
I think he wants something less but yet more and I just want something more yet MORE!
That probably doesnt make any sense at all, but he told me I lived in a "Dreamy World." Well, thanks Usman. Thanks for thinking that!
I suppose I do sometimes but I cant help it. Its a part of me.
I should probably starting living for me and not for him. I should just part away from him and forget about him forever, or at least our so called love. I know that I was suppose to before but now I really mean it. He wants more than Im willing to give and he cant understand my reasoning behind my decision.
So, in the end he probably doesnt really love me and he just wants to use me for something that I will NEVER give until marriage.
Thats another thing! He sometiems talks as if we might marry some day and then sometimes he says that we shouldnt think too much into stuff like that because we probably wont. So, Im confused by that. Really confused!
He needs to make up his mind. Please!
I dont know what to do anymore. I need some answers. God, give me some answers please.
Done with that for a little while.
My mom is NOT doing any better and I suppose it will be a matter of weeks before she leaves us forever. I will truly miss her and I will probably be deeply depressed for the rest of my pathetic, confused, stupid, loveless life. God, please help my mom. Make her better! Oh, God please!
-Me
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