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Heaven Sent (logan2govntcent) wrote,
@ 2003-10-03 23:32:00
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    Current mood:sleepy

    today was an eventful day. well last night i was IMed by Alyssa Gail Davies and she asked me if i wanted to go to mixfest with her at the fleetcenter. so i said yes. we asked kelly but she couldnt go for some reason. good ol' erin came with us. we hung out at alyssa's house for a bit before her brother eric drove us to b-tree. we take the train in to downtown crossing and get wendies spicy chinken sandwiches, holy mother of god. amazing. then we walked to the fleetcenter. vertical horizon played first, they were good but i didnt really know them. next was jason mraz. and he disapointed me. he was just not good. michelle branch was next. wikked good. could you look me in the eyes and tell me that youre happy now? yea thats right. so we left after her. no duran duran for me. oh well. so we left at like 745 and my sister was coming at 10 so we walked to fanuil hall. and there is a holocaust memorial there. we walked through it, and it is so emotional.every number of every victim of the holocaust is there. and they have the most moving quotes from survivors if the horrific events. i hate to say it but it was just beautiful to me. the way the lights lit it up and the fog from underneath. ive never looked at it before. it made all 3 of us have a horrible rush of guilt brought over us. that whole time amazes me. id love to live through it just ot experince something, i can only imagine about it. im sorry if you think im crazy for that but its true. we walked across the street adn talked about it a little and then alyssa brightened the mood by running crazy. hahahhhhahahaha. so we went to look at hte 9/11 memorial thingy they have, but it was too much for one night so we didnt stay there long. erin had a gift certificate to newbury comics so we wnt but it was closed. we walked to dunkin donuts but no hot chocolate. a drunk man came in and he fell down. i really dont get it how people can do that to themselves. drink so much. urgh. so we went adn sat upstairs at fanuiel hall, and we had such an unusual conversation. it was everything i had wanted to say in the past 6 to 8 months that i just couldnt say. and the same for erin i think. and alyssa of course. but i cried and so did erin. i dotn know why but i feel like i can talk to her about anythign was jsut good to get those things off my chest and finally let someone know about it.i mean it was so akward crying there but i needed it. and erin and alyssa are the 2 people to do it iwth. well now to happier times, my sister picked us up at like 1015ish with jessica and we listened to JT and the ataris and sp and jayz on the way home. woo hooooo!
    i have a funny feeling that this year will be a repeat of mine and maryann's relationship last year. as in we were good friends until about november and then we kinda stopped seeing each other.
    and i came to the conclusion that kelly has changed. just everything about her seems different to me. not a bad different for her, but i jsut feel like she is not hte same. i dont know. i dont want to say this. but argh. since she is hanging out with emy i never see her. and im so happy her and emy are best friends again but it jsut makes me feel like a replacement for the year kelly didnt talk to her ya know? it just makes me sad that i feelthat way about my best friend. even though i doubt she even noticed it. so yea. im tired now so im going to move 5 feet to my bed now. goodnight.

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2003-10-08 18:30 (link)
no its not lex..i havent seen sara either..i never see anyone..and its kinda hard to hang out with swimming and stuff but after october 31 im gunna be able to hang out with people alot more. especially you.but its really hard when my best friends dont exactly like echother all that much. you never want to do anything we want to do and we never wanna do anything you want to. im sorry i hate the seems pointless to me to walk around in circles and not buy anything. i have 2 hours of swimming everyday the last thing i want to do at the end of the day is walk. you dont get along with my friends i dont get allong with yours..yet we're best friends. you say you can talk to me about anything and all you used to do is complain about people you hang out with all the time now. and im sure you bitched about me like there was no tomorrow to alyssa and erin..theres no doubt in my mind that you did..and im sure they said horrible things about me and you agreed with them. cuz girls are like that..because girls suck..we all do it i hate being a girl it blows elephant chode. i just cant stand how your like oh i love this person one day and say you hate them the next. i thought we never had problems before..but i guess i was just kidding myself. and i try to become friends with yours so we can at least hang out together..they all hate me though for unknown least my friends dont hate just feel uncomfortable because you dont know my side of the boat is a little more rockier than yours..and ive tried with alyssa its just not hapening..and i tried with erin before in 6th grade and she just doesnt like me and i cant help and jill are friends and me and kelly are getting better. so i dont know..ive been trying to make time to do things but i barely have enough time for myself. i go to school for 7 hours..go to swimming from 230-530 and come out at 6. eat, take a shower and try and do all of my homework and be ready for school the next day. plus i usually have karate or ccd now after swimming at some point so it makes it worse..i dont know ive already told you alot of this..theres nothing really else to say..goodbye. :-/

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