Jessica (litai115) wrote, @ 2003-10-01 00:39:00

we are all always alone
Please, someone just come and hold me for a little while. And don't tell me that I'm only nineteen and so I shouldn't feel like my world has ended and that, worse, I'm the one who pulled the rug out from under myself. Because I know that. I know that it's stupid. But the problem is that my friendships aren't as solid as I thought they were -- not a single one of them. And I just let go of the one person who wanted to do nothing but love me unconditionally, forever.

And I'm sure someone else will love me someday...but it's just hard to think of it like that. I know I'm only nineteen. I know I'll meet new people. But shut the fuck up. Don't try to talk me out of being sad...just try holding me. Someone. Please.

Meanwhile, I've noticed that I have a pattern. I get into summer relationships. Come fall, I find an infatuation, and end the relationship. And I end up alone.

Not that I'm saying anything...I just feel like maybe I alienated Ryan somehow. No phone calls, no returns to my e-mails...since I broke up with Dan. So maybe he's one of those where it's about the thrill of the chase. Or maybe I'm hallucinating...who the hell knows. I asked. He said nothing.

So I'm going to go out on a limb here and say

We are all always alone
Never so separate as when trying to be one.