| Current mood: |  lonely |
| Current music: | tori amos |
gridlock
i'm cutting again i stopped for a few weeks there i just didnt need to i wasnt happy or anything not even close but i just didnt need it i do now i dont know why but i have had this nagging feeling for about 7 years or so that if this one person hadnt left me that i could have made it through all this that he would understand and he wouldnt be like everyone else. did you ever just need someone? for no reason other that that you need them and nobody else will do. because thats how i feel. i guess thats how i'll always feel which is quite a depressing though and just thinking about that one fact just makes me feel like dying. i could have everything in the world and everyone loving me and everyone caring and everything be perfect and somehow i still wouldnt be happy i'd still be alone and empty inside b.c he's not there. and i cant help thinking that its my fault but i kno it isnt. i was only 6 years old i couldnt fix it. i should have been able to though. i should have been able to cure cancer at 6 years old i mean 6 years is enough to do something like that. why didnt i do it why have i always been so lazy and unmotivated. i never cried. NEVER. not even now i mean lately in the past few weeks maybe a tear or 2 but i've never really cried. how sick am i. i watched the only person that ever loved me die and i cant even cry about it. but whats the point of living if you cant live with the people you want. he would hate the person i've become.I hate the person i've become. i'm going to kill myself. i cant do this anymore. its too much. maybe i'll be a happy ghost. LoL maybe i'll stick around and watch everyone not caring that i died. i'm gutless though. i need someone to kill me. like i want to be murdered be on the news or go full out and just kill everyone along with myself. who knows all i know is that i need something i can never have.
(Post a new comment)
|
