|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||something corporate "konstantine"|
I called Ricky on Saturday around 930ish. We talked for maybe 5 minutes. I forgot if I already mentioned it or not but he called me twice on Friday. I can't tell why I decided to call. Anyways, lately I've also been considering about quitting SGA. The initial reason I joined was to gain more friends and the people in there really don't want to seem to try. And some stupid stuff has been happening lately. Anyways, Ricky and me quitting SGA have a point. The point is... I'm lonely. I always stuck around Ricky because I wasn't really lonely. Yeah he would continously tear away at me mentally and emotionally but I mainly talked to him every nite. The only main time I was ever lonely when him and I were cool, was when we weren't talking at all. So it made sense why I always stuck around. I think I figured that out before but I might have forgot. Anyways, I'm having a sucky time because I'm so lonely. Yea I have some friends in school but just in school. Haven't hung out with anyone at all since I've been up here (that actually goes to my school. Erin doesn't count. She's a junior in college). But it's just not up here. I rarely talk to anyone from back home. Jessica is probably the one that's there for me the most (besides the her weekend escapades). I still count Billy even though we barely talk only because he's my oldest best friend. But when it comes down to it, I really have no one. Ricky was the only person who ever kept interest in me. Others... we either lose contact, we just stop talking, or we talk but it's nothing significant. I'm just tired of always being there for people and whenever I need help (which is extremely rare), no one is ever around. Like Saturday nite. Nope no one was around. Sam was the only person who picked up her phone but when she answered "What do you want?", it basically sent that down the drain. I'm tired of doing it. I really don't want to say that putting any more effort with friends besides Jessica and Billy would be pointless, but I just can't bring myself right now to care. I have such a fuckin load on my plate right now and no one is around. I guess I could do something about it but things never wind up good when that happens. Everyday is the same exact thing for me. Nothing ever changes. I hoped moving out here would change that but I guess I failed at that. I feel like all I will ever be is just a kid.
I know a handful of my friends from Virginia read this. If you guys do read it and get pissed, don't call me because I can't really care right now. The only person who could begin to understand (to my knowledge) would be Jessica because we've had this talk before. Sam, you have Josh and tons of other friends (your boys) and such. Trevor, you have a car... maybe not currently, but between Wes and your g/f (sorry, 4got her name). And whoever else reads this from NN, you didn't leave your high school at the end of your junior year. I know I could have stayed, but life still would have sucked there. I couldn't stay there... it was horrible. I had to get away....I know things haven't necessarily gotten better, but it was worth it. That's why I'm not coming back to stay. I won't go back to that. Not with the same people in the same place. Never....
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