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Steve (liltripod) wrote,
@ 2004-09-14 23:49:00
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    Current mood: creative

    Self - Consciousness
    To tell the truth, I wasn't going to make an entry tonight. I was going to finish that damn summer AP essay for Government but I guess it'll have to wait til tomorrow. A friend of mines, was reading some of my entries and they were talkin to me and kinda did somethin on the spur of the moment. Wrote something and it made me want to put something I did in May for a class assignment. It was for a poetry project and we of course had to come up with an original poem including some other things. Not really sure why I didn't put this in here before but oh well... here it is:

    Self Consciousness

    I stand in one place,
    Waiting for someone,
    To come save me,
    To open the essence of who I am,
    Lost within the limitless, boundaries of my soul,
    My voice being suffocated by insecurities,
    The only escape,
    Being a feeling I cannot accept,
    I yearn to be embraced by their kindness,
    As I linger in the darkness,
    That's within me,
    Only being a prisoner to myself,
    Dreaming of the day the light,
    That hurts my eyes,
    Penetrates through my internal tomb of darkness,
    And being able to see the starry, night sky again,
    That I once saw when I was a child,
    Being the innocence,
    I once cradled in my hands,
    Which brings hope for me,
    To achieve the impossible,
    To bestow the power of life,
    Unto my dreams.

    The end. ^_^ Hope ya liked it. And actually I can't all the credit for it. I was writing it pretty late one night and couldn't think of a title. So after I read it to Ricky, he gave me the title. And I actually got a pretty damn good ovation from the class. That was when I still didn't talk to anyone too so it was like I busted out with hidden talent. BOOYAH baby! hahaha.

    Yeah but if you need a little translation. Basically, I wrote this because of the school I go to now. When I got there, I was shy (hell still am. lol). And I was waiting for someone to give me the chance to show who I am. I needed them because I was too afraid because I was so insecure. And the one thing that would make it all better was just out of my reach. So I was left all by myself. Trapped inside of me.. in the loneliness, in fear, in sadness. And the only thing I could hope for was to wait for that day when that something happened.. the something to free me from it all.. the something that I know was true. And this all goes on within me... within my head. My self-consciousness.

    To keep it completely real, I feel exactly like that right now. And I will admit, some of it is my fault. For not going and making friends. Me and some friends talked about it today. I think too much about talking to someone. I just need to do it. (Talkin to Trevor now, and I want to get an acoustic guitar. I love the sound. It's cool. Maybe after I start my job. Hmmm....) Anywho, I gotta go do somethin for this paper tonight so I'll be back tomorrow? Nite.

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