Moving on is such a process. It's as if you never stop. You're always working towards healing.
Sometimes I feel like Dan and I were so much more than a relationship. I feel as if this cycle that's been going on for years now, this getting over part, has been as heavy as some long term divorces.
I feel better now. I don't let myself feel guilty anymore. I think that was the hardest part... the guilt of it all not working. I've forgiven myself for how things panned out, even if he hasn't. and that was always the hardest part because I'm so hard on myself when I hurt other people. Guilt finds its way of drilling deep inside of me and planting itself there.
So I don't feel guilty anymore. But I still feel sad and when I watched It's Complicated I couldn't help but cry and feel sad. Like somehow Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin were this weird mix of Dan and I.
It's so hard to have devoted so much of your life to loving someone and then just stop. I've been getting over the breakup longer than I've spent being in love with him at this point. At some point I need to tell myself that it's okay... that I can be happy. I'm over feeling broken from this.
"Now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun... (even if it's alone)"
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