|Current mood:|| crushed|
|Current music:||Beyonce-- "Me Myself and I"|
I am so incredibly sad right now. So much for the Paxil kicking in. I've been thinking a lot about my "ex-bestfriend" lately. I know that we have had problems since day one and ever since i've been taken advantage of and hurt over and over and over and over and over... more times than i can count. But i also shared the deepest friendship with her that i've ever had. partly, this was b/c i was in love with her for 5 years, but we were so close we basically spoke our own language, it was scary. What really set this entry off is this... its from her journal:
"Things certainly aren't perfect. But they're the best they've been in a long time(with the exception of trouble with a friend) Hopefully things with her will work out too someday."
Umm, the lesson that i want her to learn from all of this is that SHE has to be the one to appologise and beg me to come back for once. I'm tired of always being the one who comprimises. I really feel i've been wronged, hurt, and ignored, and even though deep down i love her more than anything and this kills me, i have to stay away from her until she realizes what she has to do. i respect and love myself too much to have a friend that ignores me and only talks to me when its convenient for her. I'm tired of getting hurt in that way, so i have to do this for me. Its so hard, and i miss her so much.
"And I can't help recalling how it how it felt to kiss and hold you tight
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me"
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|2/10/04 journal entry |
Hey...if she doesn't get that sometimes she needs to be the one to buck up & apologize she obviously is not smart enough to inhabit your space. It's like guys....using my example with Josh (the one I've liked for 2.5yrs but nothing has happened) - I drop hints the size of Texas that I'm interested & available. Nothing happens. Either 1) he's not interested or 2). he is interested but is too damn stupid to realize that I like him. Now, if he is THAT stupid, do I really want him?|
I think it's the same with you & her. You're a great person and you can do better - and I think you're totally doing the right thing! I love you - Sarah
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