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*jEnNa* (lil_starz) wrote,
@ 2003-11-09 22:08:00
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    Current mood: worried
    Current music:Porky Pig by Francis Eusebio

    Big Hit of Reality
    Blurties.... they're journals. Online journals. This blurty has been a way for me to just write/type stuff down about my day. I guess kinda informing all you people about my day. Then again, it's like my diary too. I think journal and diary are 2 different things. Diary is more of secrets and stuff you just like keeping safe on paper. Journal is like something about your day. After writing in this blurty for so long, you'd think I'd realize my friends aren't the only people who read this. But no, I kept continuing writing like no one was really reading it. My blurty is open to like EVERYONE. Like if anyone stumbles upon it, they can read about my day and my secrets. Ya... who could possibly tumble upon this blurty out of 50 million other blurties? My big reality hit was today. Currently, as you may have read, I've been going through negative thoughts and feelings. It's a VERY big problem as you can see. VERY big. Yes.... thank you for reading my help call. You kno who you are. This was brought up to Adam's mom. She's very VERY bright and has trained in lots of things. It just so happens one of them is psychology. She's concluded I have a complex. "What's a complex?" you ask. Well, it's when you think everyone hates you. When everyone's against u. No self esteem. No confidence. My entries aren't exactly glamourous, so, the result isn't so glamourous either. To make sure she knew what's wrong with me......... she printed out my whole blurty. MY OTHER BIG REALITY HIT. Stuff she's not suppose to kno ARE WRITTEN IN THIS BLURTY. I will let everyone kno NOW i know my limits with Adam. My mom thinks I'm not wise enough to know them. But I truely believe I won't do anything stupid that'll ruin my life. Whoever reads this, don't think so beyond of what I type. Like the making out thing. I know I don't HAVE to do it. But....... IDK. It's just.... try once.. see how it goes I guess. I'm trying to sound as mature as I can and I don't think it's really working. Adam and me can be naughty, but like......... to tell you the truth. It's my fault. I just get like that and REALLY I am trying to stop. I've been good. I promise you that.

    I have a complex. And maybe I don't need Adam's mom to help me out with how it came to be because I think I know. I let every negative thing said about me get to me. I cared about what others thought and didn't look at my opinion of myself and just followed their words with it.

    I feel very unsafe now. I'm afraid to write anything that might piss off his mom because now..... she can read my blurty and find out EVERYTHING. She told me she did like me and was only teasing.... do you think my blurty entries will change her mind?

    I cried.... I cried while she was telling me that I was pretty and smart and that I did good things for Adam and how she always liked me from day 1. "Do you understand?" she asked. My "yes" sounded like I was a bitch not listening at all. I WAS LISTENING. My voice cracked when I was talking since I was crying.

    There is one thing I know she doens't like about me that Adam won't tell me. Eh... I don't blame him. It's none of my business. But it's bugging the hell out of me.

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porky pig
2003-11-10 15:49 (link)

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2003-11-10 19:37 (link)
i <3 my blurty :0)

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2003-11-16 16:59 (link)
whats IDK?

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2003-11-17 06:53 (link)
IDK = i dont know

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