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fake? (leash4212) wrote,
@ 2004-01-27 22:42:00
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    Current mood: bitchy
    Current music:3 days grace

    first time!
    this is my diray! and now it is open for u all to read it!! have fun

    Friday, January 8, 2004
    hello...this is my first day of wrighting you. i thought will i don't like wright so iam
    going to type what i feal...iam much better at that! will my life is crazy! i have a lot of school...will the first thing i will tell you about is my fam. will i live with my mom we live in a little apt. in hemlock a lil hick town..not alot gose on in this town. besides the normal stuff Drugs..Drinkin..Sex all that fun stuff! will Jeff "my dad" i have not heard from him in 12 He cam back for 3 years, when i was 11 and he has moved away. to ohio...i guess iam happy for him but i wan't him here with me he is my dad. u no..... i wan't him in my life! i don't no he just hurt me so much i don't no what to do! will there is nothing really goin on....but i will wright more later
    6:55 .......'s me there is no one online so iam wrighting in here! whooa. will i love shcool without home work i really liek this teacher his name is not in a sw..just that he is a really good teacher i've learded a lot frome him so fare this year.will there is no partys this weekend..we all are taking a break lol! will i hate it at home! i would be better off alone!!! me and my mom don't get alone very will! she puts on a act when she is with peole but she is a whole differnt person when we are at home! i hate it iam alwas in my room or online! talking to sumone who cares!! i think my friends care more about me then my mom! i don't no i hate it at my house i HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH!!! y dose it have to be so hard everthing not just home everthing!! i just need sumthing to vent frome! i wsh i had sumone! someone that loved me as much as i love them!...7:25

    Satday, January 9, 2004 was a alright day i was home all bye myself the hole day and evening i woke up at 2:30 and got online for a while listened to sum music. i love music! it is like my life i can sit around all day and listen to music! i mostly like rap,r&b,punk.. and that is about it! that is my favorit but i like it all.will i guess my mom wen't to the bowling allie. to watch my aunt and uncle bowl! and she left at 2 and did't cum back intil 6:00 so i was thinking was she really there that long? i was pissed and she did't even leav me anything to eat. will there is stuff in there to get but i have to cook it and iam not a very good cook. will i ate a burnt girlled ham and cheez.and a pb sandwitch! that is it! will i guess i will go and clean like alwas! will i'll wright more later.......

    O.k iam back and iam done cleaning. i did't have to do that much. will my friend ---- meet this guy online and he is 23 will that is what he told her in the starting. then two nights ago. he told her he was 33. and she was like y did u lie to me and all this bull shit. i guess they meet online befor thanksgiving! so that was a long time ago. and they have been talking to each outher and i gusee they love each outher! and she"LOVES" him i guess and we think it is this teacher at our school cuz he is really close to her! and she tells him almost everthing! and this guy online i guess she talked to him about sex and stuff like that and there fantasys and stuff! so if it is him i mean he now know's everthing about her and it is really sick cuz she has to see him everday! and they just talked like lovers ya no..and he told her that he was felt confertbeal around her! so there is one sing and me and her were running the outher day and we wen't to his room and she was like ya my dad works in midland! and he was like really i live in midland! and this guy online lives in midland too "a nother clue" the BIGEST clue of all....she gose ya i need to get online and he was like why did u find a lover online or sumthing!!!!! omg!!! is this guy him or what! i think it is but she won't listen to me! she thinks it's bobby that is the name that he gave her online! and it make me mad cuz she never tolde me and i tell her everthing!!! that makes me mad! i was like iam shure u could't tell me! adn then i found a great band it is sugarcult! they are really good i've been listing to them all day!! and iam so cold in this house! and i have pajama pants and a t-shirt on! but that online/techer thing really bugged me! O My gosh and at school friday this stupied girl wen't to the offic and said that this alsome teacher his name is ---- and he is alsome! and they said that he sexuly herissed them and he did't!! at all! nothing at all! and all there doing it for is attechion! and he might get fired! ithink that is bull shit! iam somad at them how could u do that to sumone!! i mean if he gets fired this i will be so pissed! cuz he did't even do anything to them! i don't no but my mom is home not so iam gonna go now i will wright more later....5:59

    I just wanned to tell u that iam leaving to go to my friends house her name is ----- and she is not the most trust worthy person in the world but i fell bad for her so i hang out with her sumtimes! her parents are devorsted so.. ya... and she smokes and stuff so i just don't hang out with her that much!! but iam going over there tonight i don't think iam gonna have that much fun but i'll try too! ya i no i wright alot in here but i have 100 and 20 things running though my head at one time! i need to get them out sum how what do u think. iam online right now and noone is on! so iam wrighting... iam sapposta be at basketball right now but iam not going. and iam not going to the torneytment sunday"tommrow" cuz these people in hemlock are a fucking joke and it pisses me off!! it make me so mad! so iam gonna start next satday!! cuz iam so pissed off at all this people! and now iam gonna start running after school! in the school halls and stuff! so i should be getting in shap soon! cuz i need too! lol will i think iam gonna go get ready now! i will wright more tommrow will, i'll try cuz i have to go to my aunts house for dinner. so iam gonna go over there! it shoudl be fun but if i don't wright tommrow i will wright monday! i'll be right back iam gonna go see if anyone is talkign to me...nope no one is talkign to me:C(..will i had naco's for dinner tonight..i love taco's and stuff like that!! my favoriat place to eat is taco bell..but i like micky D's better then buger king but bugure king has the best fries ever!!! there so good. as u can tell iam not skinny! iam a chuncker! iam not proud of it but iam tryin!! o will if people don't like me that is there problem not mine! i like me for me not for anyone else!!! will iam wrighting a lot today huh! iam listing to my fav. song right now! it is lulix or sumthing like that the song is talkign about this girl and she is loney,,i think that is what it is about lol iam not shure! but i no i like it alot! lol will i guees iam better go and get ready aim gonna get picked up at 9~ 9:30 iam shure and still have to clean up my room and get my cloths together! whooa it should be fun....not! will, i will right soon!.......7:30

    O.k will alot has happen in 3 hours! will 1st of all my friend colleen dad has not came home so i can't go over there intil he gets home..and she just called and i have to go pack! and she is on her way and her dad is being a dick i better go now so i don't have to waite! bye.....9:49

    Sunday, January 11, 2004
    Will last night was a alright night! we wen't over to colleen house ---- "uncle" and we played cards and stuff! we smoked will i did't but colleen and them did! not me i don't do that stuff! anymore. and we only got 3 hours of sleep and then i got picked up bye my aunt kathy and my mom. and then we wen't over to my aunt kathys house and we hung out there it was fun i guess nothng really exciting! And she brought us a big box of stuff! cuz my mom cut her finger and she can't work no it is not jsut a CUT like her finguer is cumming off it is suxs but anyway she can't work and we dont' have any money! whooa this should be fun and she is going to be a bitch cuz she is going to be stressed out but i don't give a fuck!! anyway! first of all she brock her ankle and she could't work. she did't playing volleyball! then she had a really bad cold and she had to go to the hopistal for manger tests and stuff.. and could not work cuz of that! bye the way she works at subway. and she is around food all the time and stuff. so then she cuts herself and all this time we have very little money cumming in! i dont no how she is doing it but she is i guess iam pretty proud of her for that!!! but then we come home and iam so pissed off at my mom i could run away iam so pisted off!! u have no clue! i just got out of the shower and i was really thinking about what would hapen if i ran awway that is how mad iam right now! omg she is a btich i fucking hate her! god i wish she could just STOP loving me so i don' thave to pretend i love her back! i no that is mean but that is how i fell! y dose she care i don't wan't her to! i wan't her to stay out of my fucking life!!.. for good! and i hate it y dose she have to care i wan't her to stop! and i wanna leav this place! i wanna go sum were else were i can make my own desichins! and not get bitched out for doing sumthing! like i do here! iam so pissed i wanna leav and never come back!!!..

    Friday, January 16, 2004
    hey today at school was a alright day but iam so PISSED OFF!!! my mom did't go up north and she just fucking runed all my fun this weekend why can't she get a fucking life of her own in stead of living mine all the time!??! iam so pissed! i had to get off cuz i was typing to hard early sorry i just can't type today to much shit going though my mind at one time mabe i will wright later! sence i will be here all weekend cuz my mom IS FUCK BITCH i hate her!!!! .....7:10 p.m

    Tuesday, January 20, 2004

    Sorry i did't wright over the weekend. iam done with my book.. about the girl that had a eating problem. it was good, it was really good! i started a new one it is about this girl who gets pg. i don't no very many detals i just stsrted it today. it is good so far though.. the next one iam gonna read is about this girl that gets aids. and she dies :C( so ya..but my teacher said it was good..and i would like it. so iam can't wait intil i get this one done. omg and i don't no if i can trust ms.finch anymore! b~cuz we(our group that needs help and i grow up with them all in school) wen't down there and marshell this kid got kicked out of the class. and i guess ms.finch told mr.ludwig (sencs teacher) that we could not come down there any more becuse we were all bad! and we go down there for test's and stuff! so...i asked ms.finch about it i was like"we can't come down to your class for sciens?" and she was like "i never said that" then i saw mr.ludwig in the halls later after school ( i stayed for a basketball game" and i was like mr.ludwig ms.finch told me that she never said we were bad and we COULD come to her room. and he was like" she is lieing though her teeth!" so i was like i don't no who to belive?! i don't no y she would lie to me? we are supper close at least i thought we were! omg i fell lost! i mean when ever thing happen with my dad and stuff when he was in troble i told her lal about it and she was there for me? i don't no what is wrong with her? i mean i love her (nsw) but i don't no what happen? i mean mabe i should belive her but Mr.ludwig would have no reason to lie to me! so i don't no? but omg today in class! "HIM" u no who iam talking about. u no --- little friend, had the bestest boner! it was sick! this time i did't see it -- did and she told me and i wa about freaking out!!!!!!!! it was so SICK!!!!!!!! ewwww eww ewww it was sick! omg i was about to puke! it was eww! but over the weekend i wen't over to b's(brianna) and we don't do much together but play basketball and volleyball! that is about it!! i mean we are friends and stuff we talk in the halls and stuff but we don't do stuff out of school. but anyway she had a birthday party. and it was alright we wen't bowling and the very 1st time i wen't up there to bowl the ball got stuck on my fingers and the ball went flying in the air over to the next lane and it was so funny!!! good thing it was my friend kayla! lol or it would have been emberssing!!! it was so bad! i turned around really fast to see if anyone saw me,! lol but my friend taylor is on the phone and she was talkign to k.t when she was online and k.t was talkign to HIM!! i guess they were talking about me i will wright more asap bye!...........6:58 p.m

    o.k iam back and omg i have to much to tell u i guess i better start huh! will first of all.--- i guess told this "bobby" guy that i was starying at this guys dick?!?! becuz i told she that u no he had a boner or whatever. and he was like y was ur friend starting at his dick anyway!!!! omg he said that to --!?!?! and she sent it to --- and -- caleed me asap! omg can i belive that?!?! i can't! omg! iam shure she told him and he spelt my name right!! and my name is not hard to spell but most people spell it with a I in stead of a E so..omg! i don't no if--- talked about me and said --! will i guess she had to huh! but omg can u belive that? i can't! he said that?! no we no for shure that it is "HIM". omg! iam shure! iam so pissed off that is sick! god today was a really sick day!!! but on the good note we had our volleyball meeting! and we have volleyball thursday and friday! so iam so happy about that whooa! i can't wait!! --- just said that she might not play :( i wan't her to play sooo bad!!! like i love k.t and all but i don't think that i can't handle her for a hole season! sorry if that sounds mean but it is the truth! i don't no if i can. i mean i did it in aau season but school seanson is longer then aau! lol i guess i will have all my outher friends around to talk to.. whooa i can't wait to do that either! whooa! lol but iam really sick out bye a ll of this! it is sick it think iam gonna go take a shower and try to wash off as much as i can!!!! lol but iam gonna go buh!bye i will right more later if i can buh~bye..leah..7:55 p.m

    well it is 10:24 and i still haev not done my hw but i "have" taken a shower lol...but i have to sut down the computer.and go do my homework or i will never get up in the morning! i don't no if i well beable to wright tommrow but i will try cuz i have to take states and then got to the volleyballgame then go to i won't get hoem intil late and i need my sleep or i will be not in a good mood tommrow...will buh~bye leash......10:56 p.m

    Wednesday, January 21, 2004
    will today i came home sick i don't no what is wrong with me? i wanna sleep all the time... i don't no what is wrong will mom can't get her taxes and we have NO money what so ever! and that means i can't do anything after school cuz i won't have any money to do any thing i probly won't get lunch for the rest of the week..and if i do ask my mom for a buck she will be like that is all the money i have! and then if i still take one she will freak out! omg i hate this! i don't no? now she is going to be a bitch all week! intil she gets her money and iam not gonna wanna hear it!! and to top it all off i had basketball tonight and i for got all about it! and now i can't play in the torunment! and i won't get any new cloths and i won't get my new basketball shoes! i mean it may sound selfish but this are all thing i NEED! i wan't them too but i need new cloths i need new basketball shoes! i need all this things!i mean she needs to get money in here some how i don't no how i can't do anything!!! i mean i won't ask for any money for lunch! and i won't ask to do anything after school like go to a basketball game or anything! but that is not how it should be! i should beale to do all though things and i can't i don't no i guess iam just disapointed! i can't do anything and i no she want' her money! and i bet our phone will be shut off! i don't now what else will happen but iam just..i don't no what else to say but she is going to be a bitch all this weekend and the rest of the week!!!! and i don't wanna hear it! i won't beable to do anything right the rest of the week. and iam not gonna be here all weekend i don't no were iam gonna go but iam going some were! i don't no were though! i'll find sum were to go!!! and i have lost of homework to do! tuns of it! but my mom is back not and i have to go to my firends uncles house to help her with her paper for social studies! will..i guess i will try to wright more later buh bye~....4:38 p.m

    o.k will it is like too mintes later and i just wrought u but i just thought of some thing!! i can't find my diray! the one that i wright in! brb gotta go take care of sume thing mom is already bitching at me whooa this is going to be great! o.k iam back! iam so shure she already starts bitching at me and i did't do anything! god iam so sick of this already! and i can't take it! god! will anyway i can't find it and i think my mom touck it but iam not shure and if she did iam going to be pissed!!! i won't talk to her,for along time! iam shure of it! that is like breaking my trust! will iam board out of my mind i think iam gonna go to my room.. and i will try to wright more later if i can. if my mom dosen't be a bitch and won't let me on the computer! but i will try really hard!!!!! 4:48 p.m

    omg i just heard my mom talking on the phone to some one at work! and she said i think iam quiting!!!! omg no what the hell are we going to do!??! probly end up homeless and leaving with my aunt kathy! and hear her bitch about everthng! iam so shure god!!! iam lost! i need some direction! and iam not getting it from home i don't no were else to get it?...........i only been doing this for about 2 weeks and i writin almost everday! iam proud of myself! iam gonna go try to find my outher diray! and i will type all of it at the top so i have it saved in here too! will i will be back soon! to wright more! bye..5:08

    o.k will my friend colleen should be here any min. now and iam already i have to get all my home work done when iam over there! so i can sum what make my mom happy! i guess she is going to try to get her taxes done tommrow if they get the right papers! and down there befor 3! i don't no. she just got off the phone with her boose! and iam guess she is going over there to talk to her in the morning tommrow 'thursay' o ya tommrow i have volleyball! i sortta happy about that! but i think iam gonna get though diet pills! tonight!! i need! then really bad!! really really really bad!! i can't waite! iam gonna go get them frome colleen's aunt ed's wife. so i can't wait till i take one tonight! i might even take 2!! bye she is here...5:55

    OMG!!!!!! O.k i just got back frome my friend colleens house we got done with our paper and stuff. then k.t left a message. and she was like OMG ALESHA CALL ME BACK AS SOON AS U GET THIS!! IT IS REALLY REALLY REALLY ect. IMPORTAIN! so i called her back and she was talkign to "bobby" online and she was like decrib your self to me. and he was like o.k..i got brown curly/wavey hair!! i love my bike'motercycle' i got a --- gose are u fat? and he was like i don't like calling my self fat but ya i have abelly! and then he was like o.k u can go off running now! and she was like no iam not going to....and that is the spitting image of what "HE" looks like! and she was freaking out! so it is him! i go duh! that is what i have been trying to tell u!!!! omg!!! no we no for a fact it is him!!!! omg iam liek freaking out!!!!! i can't belive this!!! i can't handle this and iam in his class! ewwwww! this is sick! and everthing that has happen in HIS class! eww! o.k iam gonna for get about it! haha ya right! i can't. but i think iam gonna go take a shower! to much has heppen tonight! o.k i guess i can tell u! o.k i kissed some one! like not just a kiss kiss a KISS!!! if u no what i mean like hand though the hair and everthing! om gosh i can't belive i did that! lol i did't tell k.t yet. i did't wanna take the fam away frome her! i guess iam juelous of her cuz she has some one who loves her and no one loves me! i don't no how to put it. i just wan't that too! like some one to love me back! and i don't have anyone. i don't no if it is just me or is it them...i don't no! but i really need to take a shower but iam never gonna wash this lips again!! NEVER!.......10:30 p.m

    i guess mrs.hag was made at me and taylor cuz we did't do stats today! i was like omg it is the last game it is not gonna mader that much!! iam just gonna say that i did't no taylor was't going and i did't fell good and when i asked taylor she said she was gonna go cuz that is what she said last night! o will she will get over it. O ya i asked my mom about the diray thing and she said she did't take it but i still think she did! i don't no why i jsut have a fealing she did! wow won't i fell like a jerk if i go look for it and find it? humm i beter go look after iam done with my shower! crap!!!! shit! i for got to get some diet pills! so much outher stuff going on!! but will talk to her about it tommrow!!! i can't forget! i can't belive i for got to talk to her about it and i was so excited!!! god iam dum!!! iam so stupied! bye....10:42

    O.k will iam back frome volleyball and it was o.k..i guess but i found my diary!!!! iam gonna go read it and i will add it later after i take my shower and clean my room so i will be back later...when iam done with all my stuff!.........later.....8:53

    o.k iam back! and i was reading my old diary! and i was like omg this is old i did't relize it was old! lol but here is a pome i wrihgt awile ago
    The book
    Today i laughed
    today iam sad

    today iam mad at my mom and dad
    When iam weak, when iam strong
    me and my friends get along

    today i laughed
    today i was sad
    but then i read a book and i was glad.

    tommow we have a HUGE test in heath! wooooA!!! but i shoudl go studie for it! but o well i will later! volleyball was alredy! i don't no if i like the coach! i don't no! she is o.k.... :-/ iam really tired! and i don't no if i should go to bed or finsh my home work! today we had a 2 houre delay at school! i hope we don't have school tommrow! becuz it is snowing! and windy out! i hope we don't! i hope we dont!!! lol but i think iam gonna go and read some social studies and read some heath! will ttul! bye
    o ya i for got! my friend eric made the winngin shoot! at the last game!! they were down bye 2 and he made a 3 pointer!!! and befor in ot he messed up when it was "crunch time" so he calls it lol and he was all happy!!! he is really cool! and he is super short and one time in the halls he was standing in front of me and he looked right at my boobs!! can u belive that!! right at them!! how do i no? we were looking right at each outhers eyes and he looked right at them!! i was like omg!! i did't say that i just acted liek nothing was wrong! omg i did't no he would do that!!! lol but he is perfrct boob highet! lol..but iam really goona go not lul...bye

    Friday, January 23, 2004

    hello iam home alone! today my mom came and picked my up at school early like i had 2 more hours to go! and she came and picked me up! and we wen't get got her taxes! so thank the lord we have money agian! so she dosen't have to be a bitch!!!! thanks the loard! iam so happy we got money! o.k will i gto a new pair of jeans and a shirt,volleyball shoes,and a STEREO!!!! it is a big one! it is really nice too! i put it together all bye myself! i was proud! lol..but we have volleyball today frome 6:30~8:30!! it was not bad but tommrow me and my friend k.t are going to the varsty volleyball termenty! so iam excited! lol, AND GUESS WHAT ELSE!!!!! after volleyball was done k.t's momw as talking to coach and k.t and me were tasting bye her and coachlooked at us and was like u guys are gonna HAVE to carry this team this year! she was like u too are my leaders so fare! and u guys gotta keep working hard! omg iam soooo proud of myself!!!!! iam so proud! that just made me work even harder! got i love volleyball! iam so good at it! i love it! i mean i have alot to work on but i love playing iam better at it then basketball! but i already have a spot on the jv next year so i HAVE to play even though i don't wan't too!!!! i HAVE TO!! ever sence i was little i alwas wanned to impress my uncle rick. and he was a basketball coach and he was and still is really in to basketball! and he would alwas talk to me about it and stuff when i was like in 4th grade! and i grow up around it but i never really liked it! and then my mom started pushing me tward it and stuff and i did't wanna let my mom down too! so i wen't out for the team will i did't really "go out" but i played for a cuple of years then i did't play for 5 and 6th grade and then i came back in 7th and this girl nicole and her dad likes me will he acts like he dose iam not shure if he dose or dosen't but anyway i wen't out and i alwas wanned to be on his team but he never picked me i don't no why he just never did! and nicole his daughter is in the same grade as iam and me and her are friends..and will i came in late in 7th grade for basketball season cuz i wasn't reallt shure if i wanned to play or not but then like 3 weeks after school started i wanned to play so i did and i made A team! and mr.liebrock was pissed cuz i didt try out like everone else did and datta datta dott!

    Monday, January 26, 2004

    well today we did't have school, and my friend is here and her name is sarah snyder, she is cool, i have to much to tell u but can't tell u all right now! i will wright more as soon as she leavs! just wanned to say hi and sorry i have not been wrighting! bye.

    o.k will she just left and iam home alone once agian! so anyway so much went on this weekend. will i wen't to the varsty volleyball games or whatever, and i seen this girl and she was really cool i guess i did't really talk to her but i keep looking at her and sutff i don't no what is wrong with me, i mean mabe iam a lesbean? i don't no what is wrong with me but i found my self keep thinking about her? and she keep looking at me and i don't no it was just really weird? like why would i pick her out of all this girls i mean i don't like girls like that or mabe i do? i don't no? i don't think i do. i don't no what is wrong with me? i don't no mabe i have a gift or sum sort? mabe that would be cool. iam shure it would have it's bad points too, huh? but anyway last night maric my cuzin came over she is 21 and she is the collest cuzin i no! she is alsome! i love her so much will i love all my outher cuzins to but, i don't no it if just differnt with her i think it is be~cuz i can tell her anything and she won't judge me like my outher cuzin's i don't no i think shanna is like that to, i could tell her anything. i rember one time like last year i had sum cigerates in my room and my friends dad called my mom and she was like go bring me your cigerats i was like i don't have any! and shanna and her bf were over here and they were in my band carse and she was like go bring me your band caes! so i did but itouck them out and though them in my dresser so it looked like i did't have any in there! then when she was leaving she took me over to her car and was like do u have them and i was liek ya and i was crying cuz i new my mom would find out and stuff and she was like it is o.k it is just not a good thning and try to quite for me and i was like o.k i will try! and ya so she dosen't judge about that but if sarah or threasa would have been here they would have yelled at me worst then my mom! and would havenot talked to me! and all this shit, i mean ya i no they love me and stuff! but i don't no it is just dffernt around them i mean u have to put on an act, i don't no i just don;t like it i like when u can be your self! and not who they wan't u to be!..anyway'z my mom is on her way home and i have to go help her bringing in stuff frome the store so i will be back after iam done frezzing my ass off! it is so could oput side and it is windy and we have a storm cumming! we probly won' thave school tommrow!!! yes! but that suxs too cuz we have volleyball tommrow!! i can't wait but i think i have handle not doing volleyball for one night! we will have it frome a long time to come! brb gotta go help mom like everouther day of my life!! iam do wanna help her i don't no! iam not a bitch really iam not!! o.k will iam back, we got some food in the house!! whooa mom thinks that we won't have school tommrow!"tuesday" cuz we are going to get 2~4'in today and then tonight we are going to get 6'in and frezing reain! so y sit sounds pretty bad! so we probly won't have school tommorw! i hope not but i have to go clean my room. so i will wright more later! bye

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