life in general
things may be difficult in life, but the truth is, you can either run from it, or deal with it. i chose to run, and that is the truth. now i'm slowly realizing that life here may be bad and not the way i want it, but i do know that by moving to virginia, i may be left with absolutly nothing. it scares me sometimes when i lay down to sleep and my mind starts going, because i as a person have no clue where these paths i have chosen will lead me to. my friends seem to be gone, or at least the ones i need the most right now, and my family doesn't understand my heartache. i'm tired of working a dead end job at a gas station where i get 11 hours of work a week, and i'm even more tired of my financial mess. it would be so easy just to pack up and leave this dull life, but i have chosen to stay against my own wishes. am i crazy for doing what my family wishes of me? or is it normal for a peron not to want to dissapoint the ones who say they care? i'm turned around and backed into a corner right now, and i just wish to spread my wings and let my spirit soar. however this chain around my ankle is too tight, and the saw i have by my side had broken years ago. i'm not depressed, or at least i think i'm not, my world is a mess and i hate getting up in the morning, but still i smile through these tired eyes and endless days of boredom, and i don't know why, but today i am content with the things i have done, the work i have completed, the words i have written, and the time i have spent. it may only be one day that i am content with, but it has been a while. as my smile glows and the world looks upon me, i feel safe, tired, but safe. if anyone reads this that i know, i want you to understand this, i love my friends to death, and i hope and pray to god and the heavens that you will accept my love, and my decisions.
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