life, misery, and a prayer
depression has met an all time high in my life, as i struggle over a dicision to leave the life i'm
living behind to start anew. with little support from those who i call friends, and an over
whelming sence that they all are feeling abandoned, i have no clue where to turn. last week i
hit a point where it was time to dicide if to go forward with the life that has caused me such
misery and hardship, with continuing my education off at mnsu, to work for the aprtment i
have trubles living in, and continuing being miserabe with the people who push drugs upon my
shoulders, or to let it all go and move to the east coast and start a life i know i will have a
chance with. upon entering my second semester at mnsu i have been placed upon academic
probation and also with a lifting restriction from my doctor, lost two of my three jobs. the
restriction was caused by an accident four years ago when i was struck by a car while in a
crosswalk. i have accomplished one thing in my life for me, which was to become drug-free.
three years ago i started a difficult jurney to becoming clean, today i have one year and 17
days under my belt, something i am extremely proud of. i have no clue what to do or where to
turn, i fear i have no one by my side. and as i trudge these lonely streets, holding onto the only
thing left, my misery, i wait upon that single day, where i am given the strength and the
guidance to pick up the pieces to my shattered soul that lay upon this broken path. may god
have mercy upon those who try and help, and may he shine upon me the grace i have never known.
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Well whats on the east coast that would solve these things. What ever it is must be worth holding on to. Don't feel like you are abandoning your friends, if they can't understand why you are leaving then who are they to call themselves your friends in the first place.
I enjoyed your entrie and look forward to more.
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|to the intent reader |
what's on the east coast? my best friend. everyone thinks it's odd that we mean so much to each other. when i told my parents i was moving out there to live with him the first thing i heard in return was, "you aren't getting married are you?" from my dad. his mother said the same thing. i love him to death and i can't stand being away from him, but there is a huge difference between love and inlove. i'm not inlove with him. can everyone see something i dont? i find nothing in the prospect of love in this cold state, and all i wish for is an embrace trhough the freezing nights to warm my frozen world, but i am left with nothing but memories and thoughts of what if i had found that one person. it still may be possible, he may be here beside me and i just don't know it. i'm only 18, but i have a soul of an older person, i speak and write so fluently with wisdom containing the right amount of stupidity to make me seem older at least. i hear it from everyone, so maybe this old soul is tired of searching and is growing restless. will it ever be put at ease? i think being in love is nonsence. nothing is would like to have more replies from you so be my guest and read what you wish.|
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