confrontation?
i told TT about the dream. did i describe it here? i've been having nightmares about him. regularly.
a few nights back i dreamed that he and i sat in front of the computer searching 70s muscle cars (yes, that part happened in real life). as we talked and had fun, a tall, slender, naked hispanic woman with long, straight black hair walked out of his bedroom wrapped in nothing but that ratty yellow blanket he has. she asked when he was coming back to bed. he looked at me and, by way of explanation, said he didn't have the same connection with her that he had with me. there was, of course, a lot more but that was the crux of it.
when i told him, he joked that i should keep out of his dreams but added that i didn't have to worry, one girl was more than enough for him to handle. still, he's said that before and he was seeing two. though he really wasn't able to sustain it for very long.
bottom line, i somehow managed to ask him if he was fucking someone else without coming off as totally accusatory, and he somehow managed to say without actually saying that no, he isn't and doesn't plan to. but then, right after, he told me he had to meet one of the guys after work tonight to deal with some work shit and my stomache clenched right back into knots again. friday night? work? then home to sleep? doubt it. i told him to have fun with the guys after but not to go home with any 24 year old hotties. he said he wouldn't. they didn't go for him anyway. but that's not the point. i need to know that if they did, i could trust him to say no. and that's the real crux of it.
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 before_dawn
2004-05-28 14:11
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Damn it layer. Men. Can't live with em. can't live without 'em.
You are good to try, this is the "good work" that you can do, and that's to ask the questions in a loving way.
Part of the lesson, it's good for our practice is to ask the questions in a loving way.
Of course, there's another John Malkovichian part of my brain that is screaming right now:
"No WAY! Go at him! Why should you have to be all nice and adjusting? If he wants you, then he doesn't need to pretend he's going to work on a Friday night, when he knows damn well he's going to go to a bar with the boys!!!"
whether or NOT he's going to pick up some 24 year old hottie
whether or NOT he gets to sleep with her
but what can we do? go for the short term or the long term? that is the question? if you're in this for the long term, you stay patient, kind, loving, understanding, you adjust.
if you get empowered you may lose him in the short term, but you stand your ground without compromising?
are there other options i'm not seeing?(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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