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Noelley Bo Belly (latergator) wrote,
@ 2004-10-09 23:37:00
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    So this is college...
    Tonight was really depressing. I don't know what is with me here. I tihnk too much. No one has time to talk to me. I called Donny and he wsa "busy", perhaps fucking around. Who knows. i wonder what it would feel like to find that out...oh probably similar to the time when I found out Dave was fucking around. I think I would feel even more hurt by Donny doing that just because he makes such strong accusations towards me doing it. It is so sad to be in this little room by myself with all these people in this big city. I miss my friends, they seem different than the people here. I hate being dependent on Anya for something to do. I'm just sick of being away from people who love me. I miss my family, I miss my old life.
    I think that Erik totally burned me tonight. I wish I was better at brushing things off like this. I should have never ever called him. I hate that I always know the right thing to do but don't do it. This applies to so many parts of my life, how horrible is it that I know what is best for me but I don't do it for some reason? Why don't I want the best for me? Why don't I have self-control?
    I am staying in tonight. I've never had so many ups and downs as this new life. I miss my old banal one.

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