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Dee (ladydee) wrote,
@ 2002-12-15 18:44:00
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    Current mood: recumbent
    Current music:Stone Temple Pilots - Half The Man I Used To Be

    *Cough* *Cough*
    I am so sick. Not feeling well. I think it's the flu or a severe cold. Due to the back pains I've been getting, I went to the doctor and had some x-rays taken of my back on Friday. Everything is okay with my bones (no dislocation of a disc or anything), thank God. But he said that I strained every muscle in my back. I need to get physical therapy once a week starting January. Said it wasn't normal for it to be hurting for this long. If it continues, then I'm going to need an MRI to be taken. I'm having trouble doing everything. Can't sleep, exercise, stretch, run, hell I can't even type for more than five minutes with out feeling pain. Oh well, I think I'll be okay. Hopefully the therapy will be all that I need.

    John... a nuisance by nature. Reminds me of myself in a way. In the sense when I was younger I had older friends give me a chance, of course ;o). I thought I might do the same for him. I'm not saying it was a mistake, but he is too immature. Impertinent is more befitting actually. It's not his fault. Some people grow mentally faster than others. And his mind is still in the maturing phase. He tries though, can't be too hard on him. He just doesn't know any better. I feel like I'm being mean. I don't wanna hurt his feelings or anything. I know I can't change people. I can only accept them the way they are. It's annoying how he thinks he knows everything, and he can be so damn snotty sometimes. I wish I could record him and play it back to him so he can hear what an ass he sounds like. I feel sorry for him sometimes. Well, I'm going to try to talk to him. Hope he understands.

    Olga... she is awesome, cool, and great. Just wish she had a more flexible mentality. Then again, I'm one hardheaded B*#$%. Our views are very different. Yet, we manage to be great friends. You think I study a lot? HA!! She is a machine when it comes to that stuff. I'm proud of her though.

    Gav... I'm proud of him! He is still lost though. He is smart and mature, yet he refuses to see the answers right in front of his face. He is in denial of his own flaws. He refuses to see reality and chooses to live in a world convenient to him. But I still love and will be there for him. I still want him to join the military though. I strongly believe that is for him and he will have a better and structured future there.

    Ed... I wish you would give Jesus a chance!!!!! I pray for you everyday. Probably the only thing I haven't told you about is my relationship with God. I just don't want you to make a mockery of it. God is number one in my life. Sometimes I hope I could talk to you about it. But I'm scared to. I want you to hang out with Mami, You guys need each other. Maybe her more than you. You need love in your life. Mami can give it to you, but you are afraid. I understand, but closing yourself up is only going to make it even more difficult for you in the future. Look at you and me now. We wouldn't be this close unless you would have opened up to me. I still wish we could hang out more, especially with you not working anymore. Please lay off the drugs. I don't give a shit if it's only weed or an occasional X bean. (Shut up, Don't exaggerate Diana) It's bull ca ca. I hold you up there. I brag about you all the time. I'm younger than you, and I know better. So should you. I love you Eggie. I wish it was easier to talk to you. You have a difficult character. If you were just more easy going, I would tell you everything and depend on you more. Because you are awesome to talk to and you understand me.

    Evelyn... I miss you sis. My only true friend on the planet. I swear, I could speak to you in Japanese and you'd still freakin understand me. I don't think I'll ever be close to someone like you and me were. I say were because of the distance. But in my heart, we are still close (I know, that sounds cheesy). The one human being that actually taught me valuable things which until today I still value. What am I going to do? You are an admirable woman full of dignity and respect. If you don't find the prince charming, don't you dare settle for some second rate knave! I am not ashamed to say that I love God. I don't care. You showed me this and many other things. You are the only person I trust. You are proof that good people exist. *Sigh* I feel like flying over there right now. I hope you are okay. I worry about you, but I know that you are in God's hands. So you be alright ;o) Love you!

    Chris... I miss you too. Let me come right out and say it. The reason I could never get closer to you is because I feared your feelings for me. I felt hesistant. When I said that I loved you. I meant as a brother, as a friend, as a human being. I'm sorry if I ever pushed you away or ignored you. But that is why. I still miss your dorky jokes, talking about Friends and Seinfeld (nobody up here watches it!!!!!!), getting mad at you, and talking for hours on end about nothing in particular. You are my twin dude! I mean, who else eats the orange and yellow Starbursts at the same time, everytime! I am so sorry. Now I feel guilty and I kinda avoid you now. But I don't want to anymore (avoid you, I mean). When I say that I don't have time, it is part true. But I'm sure I can spare an hour or two on the weekends to talk to you. Plus, you are one of the few people who really appreciate me. And you acknowledge my extensive use of big vocabulary words ;o)

    Paul... I don't care if you live in freakin Texas. You have a great heart. And we so need to talk more. Lately, I haven't even signed on much because I am doing so much stuff for school. Actually, lemme give you a call right now ;o)

    I wrote about the people I relate with oftten or who are closest to me. I wrote things I wish to say to them, or hope they read. Wrote my thoughts on them. I'm not judging them. Who am I to judge anyone? I have millions of flaws. And I do acknowledge them. This is just a journal. I am writting what I feel. That's all. If it doesn't make sense.... It's not supposed to. I just realized I used the word "love" a lot in this entry. That's a scary thought. I rarely express my feelings. Mainly because I have know you to express them to. Hence the reason for having this journal in the first place.

    *Evelyn, if I talk too much about myself its because you are the only person in the world I trust and I wanna tell you every detail about me because our time is always limited. I'm sorry, I have to work on my listening skills with you*

    Hehe, sorry. Everyone I mentioned here is worthy of being spoken about because they are good people. And John, you are a good person. I'll talk to you later.

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2002-12-15 23:57 (link)
I didnt get your phone call. :-( I was thinking about calling you around 8 my time.. but i thought i would be bugging you or something. Call me whenever you want!!! I'll throw down whatever I got going on to talk to ya! I would call, but i know your studying alot and I dont want to pull ya away from that. Let me know a day at which I can call and talk to ya!

Sorry, i havnt been able to send the tapes yet! I dont have any money, when i do i need to use it for something (car repair, gas, school projects, etc.) When i get the money to send this stuff ill show you a list of movie's i have and you can choose which movies you want and i'll send them out! Tell me a few things you would like for christmas, it may not arrive before christmas but ill do my best to get it there asap!

Love Ya! I hope your back gets better! Cant wait to talk to ya again!

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