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her (lady_godiva) wrote,
@ 2003-07-03 18:36:00
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    Current mood:numb

    robotically i cry
    days like today make me ache. some people have such beautiful souls, and when i look at myself, i wince. i killed the abilty because i was afraid of... ha, well, stabilty. rhyming for me equals more pain, i apologize. am i even making sense? these lonliness is bearable, i suppose, because while i'm moving in this tiny circle, i can see the progress of others, and wish to myself that i will be there one day.
    the humur of my words recalls nothing to me, but the beauty of the soul deep inside each of the portrayers cries to me. how can you say such wonderful things and not know what they do to me? i'm sick of writing about sorrow, summer, boring days passing by with pain. i am writing with spirit. i want you to appreciate my wounds and bandage them with interviews. i'm not funny, i'm not smart, i'm not beautiful, i'm not everything. i'm amanda. i'm alone. i'm afraid. i wish to sign off.
    i'm falling victim to routine, and dying little by little inside. you've stolen my end to blah. the drama that surrounds these walls, that surrounds this room eats all happiness. its not that i'm wanting to feel a smile again, its that i'm wanting to withdraw from the window.
    the melancholy feeling has a much stronger bite than the depression. it buries itself into my thoughts and my words, even my functions. i said i'd try. i lied, do you mind? you view it from the outside and pine to be inside. now i'm inside looking out, and i am alone. its not so bad. my camera would be my friend if not for the lack of batteries. running would dull the pain, if not for my lack of energy.
    the blase, listless emotion creeps up on me, just like menstration. only i can skip the latter. the first never leaves, it clicks like a clock, laughing at my pain.
    "i'll be ok", i lie. "promise..."



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booblube2
2003-07-04 02:10 (link)
i wish i could be the one to save you from all this crap...

and you're wrong....you are the funniest person i know...you're so smart i'm actually jealous...you're so beautiful i have to look at you twice to see if you're actually not a dream and yes, you are amanda, therefore you are everything to me.

you dont have to feel alone, or afraid....
most importantly, you have god....and you have your family, and me....so you dont feel alone.

when you told me what happened that night before the 1 and 2 poems....i havent been so scared ever.
my heart was racing....almost crying.

i love you......i wish you would try.

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booblube2
2003-07-04 02:19 (link)
remember when you sent me this verse?

Psalm 34: 18

The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

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hibla
2003-07-04 02:44 (link)
hi cats friends

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