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November 10, 2002 Kristina * Panorama City, California kriskomo@msmc.la.edu When people hear my last name they think of someone who’s of European origin. * doesn’t really fit my appearance, since I have eyes for slits and a round face. Somehow it does fit me because I am different and my last name is how I identify myself. You don’t see that many *roaming around the street and if you do it’s probably me or anyone in my family, which consists of my mom, dad, little brother and I. I check the Asian box on applications for college, because that’s how you would identify me if you saw me. I don’t identify myself with my ethnic background, which is Thai-Chinese American. I was raised in Los Angeles and English is my first language and my only. My Thai isn’t so great, although I can understand it; my heavy English accent stops me from mastering the language. I grew up with many different races, but somehow I managed not to have any Thai friends. At home I was weaned on Mc Donald’s and Pad Thai. My parents always spoke to me in Thai, but I always managed to talk back to them in English. I went to Sunday school to learn how to speak Thai when I was in the third grade. I quit after the teacher hit me and I believe that was what stopped motivating me to learn Thai. My parents are really open minded parents. I was born into Buddhism, but unlike my parents I am not Buddhist. I went to Catholic school for two years and I went to many Christian retreats with my best friend Sarah, who is a Jesus freak. I believe that there is a higher being, so therefore I am not Atheist, I am Agnostic. I have chosen to be undecided because I do not think that I have to have a religion to identify myself. As I was growing up I never saw the barrier that some people call color. I thought that everyone was the same, just with different characteristics. In middle school, my friends were from different ethnic background and my best friend was Black. Some people thought it was weird because they couldn’t understand how I could relate to her. I didn’t care she was my best friend and the many hours spent on the phone proves how close we were. In high school I had an identity crisis. I wanted to identify myself to a certain race, but just not my own. I started to learn Korean and I began to speak better Korean than Thai. I had only Korean friends and I only wanted Korean friends. I started to hate my own race and I wanted to become Korean. I was slowly losing my identity to what I thought was the perfect culture. After awhile I came to my senses and I felt so lost. Everyone had an identity and I did not. In my junior year in high school, I finally realized who I was. I am myself and that is my identity. I don’t have to identify with a certain culture or race. I don’t have to have a religion to define myself. I don’t have to have certain types of friends or eat certain types of food to be myself. I am me and that is who I am. I am Thai-Chinese American. I listen to Punk, Emo, and Alternative. I dress however I want to dress. I am not a quiet and subservient Asian girl. I do not stick to the stereotypes that people give to many Asians. I am what people may call it a “Twinkie”, yellow on the outside and white in the inside. I have many friends and they are from many different ethnic background. I respect my culture and my parents. I am who I want to be.
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