kokonut (koko) wrote, @ 2002-12-07 16:28:00

Prelude
And she asks me "what kiss?"

I don't feel like telling my friends everything that is going on with me unless I choose to. Not even her, whom I have known for so long compared to my other friends. There are so many times when I feel that she has talked about me behind my back that would eventually lead to my embarrassment once it is discussed. Seldom I think she is annoyed or disgusted with me and what I do, so screw it. I don't feel like talking about my guy issues when she later resents herself, or resents the idea of boys, or even me. I don't like talking to her much because I sometimes feel that she is not open to the same emotions as I feel, so discussing it would be generally upsetting.

This could be another phase.

I kissed Ryan-that I did, and that I regret and feel thankful for.

I would love to date a guy at this moment of my life, but it's December, normally being couples is just a fad, or a case of the season. My exboyfriend and good friend are dating too. The idea is a much ambivalent one rather than an uncomfortable one, much to the fact that I still care about him and all. And that I am lonely.

I wish to have someone to hold me when I need it, and kiss my tears away. A guy so incredible that seeing him takes my breath away, even in my dreams. He would hold my hand and sing to me a lullabye, touch my hair or my face like a blind man who'd just redeemed his sight, love me like he's never loved anyone before.

In any course of thought, the notion of this perfect man is only found in dreams. That's depressing to me.

hi

i wish i had a more fun life

i wish i had a life (period)

finding more and more reasons to why this life sucks, everyday. trying to counter the bad with good but sometimes failing

one, is that I doubt that anyone would ever like me anymore. people are just so superficial including myself.

two, i am a real procrastinator and it's so hard to get motivated knowing that my efforts would later be in vain.

three, my friends talk behind my back that it's hard for me to trust them at all. i need to find a friend who i can talk about my emotions towards things, interests and such, how i can be bicurious sometimes or even depressed. sometimes i think that they wouldn't be able to handle that even if i try

four, i tend to get rejected a lot

five, i feel like i'm never good enough.

six, i'm just me