Kurt Wagner (knightcrawlr) wrote, @ 2003-07-12 23:39:00

Current mood:	angry
Current music:	The Hulk Soundtrack

Your making me angry...you wouldn't like me when i'm angry.
I actually wrote this entry two days ago, but this piece of crap computer shut down in the middle of me writing. so now i must start all over. but where?

I graduated. I finished high school. and am now considered a person. i don't different. i feel so alone, but in an ok way. like this is my time. this is the point in a young man's life when his actions make him into the man that he will become for the rest of his life. with the way that i've been lately though, i don't want to become this person. after graduation i picked up smoking cigars. i've only smoked on three occasions though, so it's not like i'm addicted or anything. a couple of my friends decided to outcast me because of it. some friends. i just do it behind their backs now. i wish they weren't such jerks about the whole thing. it's not like i'm getting drunk or high (which half of them have experienced). but its been a while since i've smoked. funny thing is that i don't regret anything.

my friend smoked in my parents van. the van caught on fire. i covered for him. grounded. paid for repairs, but still earning parents trust again. and everything was going so well.

so i'm driving my own car. i learned stick. its great. ugly golden car...i need a name for it....hmm

i'm talking to liz again. i don't know about her. i can't figure her out. i think that she just wants me to sleep with her.

i'm so confused with myself. normally this would bother the hell out of me, but it doesn't. i think it would be alright. but still....

tomorrow i'll write all about comics and movies of the week, but for now its time to go.

	blackcatsprowl 2003-07-16 12:26 (link)
	I miss you. Be around. Let me know what's going on with you. The Holy Grail nights are piling up. Here's me trying to call you at work. Really Den...... we need to catch up. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous) 2003-09-12 15:27 (link)

It seems you have forgotten more then your journal. Hope you're having a nice life. Maybe I should have listened to the warnings. I suppose you are going your way and I am going mine. Damnit, I was warned that you'd lose interest. I was warned you'd become "to good" or "disinterested" in our friendship and I didn't listen. The worst part? The worst part is, I should have listened. There was a moment back there in time when I would have done anything for you. I would have broken up with him for you. I thought you were what I needed. I don't know if you paid attention long enough to see that. I told them all that you were one of the best friends I had ever had. I didn't think I could live if you weren't my friend. What's happened to us? Do me a favor, and don't promise me anymore phone calls. Don't pretend you're not giving me the runaround. Don't speak to me unless you really give a damn. I won't IM you, I won't call you, I won't write you, from this point forward. The next step needs to come from you. I'll always remember the inch we had in time, Cat (Reply to this) (Thread)

For Cat knightcrawlr 2003-09-20 06:58 (link)

If you're still listening i'm here. I've just gotten your post, right now...one minute ago. I'm sorry for all that i've been these past months...or lack there of. I'm been a complete bastard. Yes, i promised that i called you. I broke that promise because i had to leave for vaction a few days earlier...i just didn't get a chance to call you before that. But thats still no excuse. The real reason why i haven't called you or tried to contact you was because of what happended on this vaction. I don't want to tell you this...but you deserve to know. Thats the least i could do. I was on a cruise...and i met a girl. Things happened with her that i never ever ment to happen. Things that i don't even want to talk about because i'm digusted with my behavior. For so long i believed that i would wait for things. I believed that i would stand for what i believe in...and within two days of this cruise....i fail. I failed in ways that i can't speak. It hurts. She still calls. And it hurts everytime that i talk to her because she wants me to stay with her. I can't do this. Its become such a burden on my heart, cat. I've been in a constant state of depression...and i didn't want to share this with anyone. You least of all. Cat, you knew that the things that i believe in are important to me. So i think that you know how painful this all is. It just hurts. I'm sorry for not letting you in. I'm sorry that i'm not there for you. I'm sorry. I just needed to be alone. To come to grips with myself and my actions. This isn't an excuse for not talking to you. This is my reason. It hurts to know that i can't trust myself. When so much has gone wrong in my life...i can't see how it can go back to what it used to be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

For Den-Den (Anonymous) 2003-09-28 19:00 (link)

I didn't see this until now. I didn't think to check back and see if you had replied. Tell me it all Den. Tell me where you've been, and how you've felt, and if you still need me around. I've been thinking so much lately about all of the things we shared together. On memorial day, when you took me to your grandparents house. I was like a part of a family. I remember the time we spent laying on the floor staring at the ceiling, talking and laughing. I remember when you showed me your art. I was in awe of how one person could have so much talent. I'm now going to prattle on any longer. I want you back in my life. When are you coming to Phila? We'll be so close then. Hopefully it'll be in both senses of the word. love ~Cat P.S. Sci Fi is currently showing old Hulk episodes everyday at around 5:00. I thought you might like to know. *winks* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)