I can't do this i can't do this i just can't. i keep smiling and i keep trying SO HARD to smile but i can't. i can't do this. i have to get out of this apartment, i have to get away from him. i still love him so much i can't stand to see him and know that things have fallen so completely apart. i have to get out of here, i have to get out of this state. i have to get so far away from here, so far and maybe my heart can heal. this hurts so bad.
i'm not strong, i'm not strong at all. i have all of you fooled. kris and dee and aut and the rest of you, saying oh how brave i am, and how strong...... i'm not strong at all. i can't deal with this at all. i dont' even know how to cope with this. my heart isn't nearly strong enough to hold myself together, and my head can't even keep things straight. somehow i keep breathing but i dont' know how. i can't sleep at night, i barely eat, not even things taht used to be able to distract can even catch my interest. i'm not suicidal, i don't want to die. but i want this pain to not exist. i wish i didn't know, i wish he'd never told me. i wish i was a fool all over again and that i didn't know. i wish i didn't know.
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