this can't be real... this can't really be happening. i can't believe... i don't want to believe that what i've been told is true. i want to deny it, i want to pretend i don't know. i can't bring myself to write it here, because writing it means admitting that it's true and i cant' do that. i cant' do that right now.
it's a hell of a lot worse than i thought it was, though. and i still cant' stop crying.
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