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teMporaRiLy*inSaNe (just_diana) wrote,
@ 2005-01-29 19:14:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:"Breakdown Here" by Julie Roberts

    things i just need to say here.
    okay here we go.

    1- there was a fight last night. and i hate living here. i hate living period.
    2- i hate how everyone else is perfect, and i just fuck things up. i hate how everyone always see the imperfections in me. i fucking hate it.
    3- i hate a lot of things right now.
    4- i need someone i can talk to.
    5- i miss minnesota so bad. i can't even remember how happy i was there.
    6- school fucking sucks. i want our friendship back, but since that's never going to happen, i'm being forced to move on. which i also fucking hate.
    7- the world IS infact out to get me.
    8- i can't figure out what i have to do to stop this, whatever is going on. because it's killing me slowly. like pealing off flesh, a little at a time.
    9- i hate everything right now. not just a lot of things, but EVERYTHING.
    10- i'm stopping listing now, because it's getting annoying.

    now, where to start. as if the fight wasn't bad enough, now people are making me feel even worse because i'm not as perfect as they are. arrogant fucks. i know it's bad to say that about one's own family, and peers, but it's the truth. they're all so arrogant and picky and everyone always finds the worse in me. maybe i'm just all bad.

    everything is so fucked up in this world. it's all about making people feel terrible about themselves.

    nothing i could ever do, would ever fix this. i just really need to think. i need to clear my mind and reorganize things. but i can't until i'm in minnesota. so either a) i will die or b) i will die. not many options there. i'm so fucking tired of all of this. nothing could EVER make me think that everything is alright. i want to fucking die. i guess i'm loosing my touch on covering it though, my mom, being the smart one, is starting to catch on. well there's not much she can do, i've already got a therapist.

    i can't keep wishing. it only hurts. but i suppose it hurts more to live the truth, than a dream. but dreams fit so much more comfortably.

    there's your update. sorry for being so harsh.

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