| Current mood: |  blah |
| Current music: | "Touchdown Turnaround" by Hellogoodbye |
another week...
i can't wait until christmas break. i just want to get the next few weeks over. i can't stand going to school anymore...its getting so old so fast. whats worse is that i'm starting to think of what i want to study in college or if i even want to go to college. i don't want to look that far ahead, but i have to. what am i gonna do? things are just to stressful right now, even though i'm not busy. movings also contributing to that...we're moving in the middle of january which should be very interesting. ugh.
that boy you remember i told you about? well, i don't know what to think anymore. he broke up with his girlfriend, and i feel bad for him. but i feel even worse knowing that he doesn't like me back. i didn't ASK him, but i know...i'm tired of it, i'm tired of everything. boys make me cry and i don't like it. i know that sounded childish, but between him and phil, i've cried so much over the last few days and frankly, i don't want to. i'm tired of crying over boys. but i guess its better to cry over boys than to cry over my father.
another thing thats bugging me, is i want to be friends with a few people from my algebra class, and don't know how. i mean, i've already made new friends in the last month thanks to susan and electra, but these people in my algebra class, i don't know. they're really cool, and a lot like me, but i don't really know. its pretty weird that i have such a hard time making friends. i wish i were more social, but wishing never helps now does it....i wish it did...
i just need to get away from it all. i want to hide, but yet, i want to be happy. happy like i was...like i WAS. way back before 2000. where i could dance and smile all day. where nothing could get me down and i felt free. i miss being happy and laughing. i miss a lot of things that i can't get back now. i just want to be free again....i don't what to do though, i can't MAKE myself happy, that wouldn't work...but then again, aren't i the one that controls my own emotions? i don't know, if i could control my emotions, i wouldn't feel lonely, and sad....but if i could make myself happy, i'd be denying my other emotions...see how weird this is? well, at any rate, this week is going to be a great one. i'm going to TRY and make myself happy and let this be a good week. i wonder if it'll work...
well, thats all i guess. i'll write tomorrow and let you know how things are going...my mom thinks i need a counselor, so shes apparently going to make an appointment tomorrow...weird.
<3's for all-
d i a n a
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