Rocket Girl (jmrocketeer) wrote, @ 2003-11-19 07:33:00

Current mood:	lonely
Current music:	Let You Down -- Three Days Grace

i will let you down when you finally trust me, finally believe in me......
oh dear god.

i feel like shit.

does katie really like me?

she was sitting with me this morning, and we talked some, but i think she only likes to talk to me to pass time. cuz uh...she gave me soem great advice. she told me to be myself, and to not let anyone else try to run my life, which is waht i've been doing my whole life.......

so uhh.....yeah.

then i asked her for some advice. me pregunto a katie que mi novio es mi amigo mejor y no quiero ser la novia de el, por que me gusta un otro chico. la problema es que eso chico no le gusta a mi, y estan el amigo mejor de mi "novio". no se que voy a hacer.

she told me to get over it. nice, aint it?

then a friend of hers came over and she just left me all by myself, and she didnt even say good bye. does she really want to be my friend? or does she just need someone to pass the time by with?

i feel like shit. i really want to die.....and i'm not just saying that like everyone thinks I am....

i'm making terrible grades. i'm a terrible person.

i owe six dollars in total.

i lost my CD player.

i'm getting pissed at some of my friends.

i mean, really really pissed.

they just don't understand....they just don't get it.....and they never will.

no one gets me. and if someoen does, pease step forward and explain myself to me, for i have no idea what i'm all about.

*sigh* some people are just really pissing me off, and apparently, I'm really pissing off some people.

i pissed off travis.

i pissed off eric.

i pissed off bianka.

i pissed off liz.

i pissed off katie.

i pissed off everyone.

and seemingly, i get pissed at everyone too.

i have serious issues.

but why cant i tell anyone whats really wrong with me?

i want to, but every time i try to open up, it never comes out in a sense that i want it to, and i always open up to the wrong ppl.....

all that comes out of my mouth is babbles, while everyone else can speak fluently. the problem is, i can't understand them. and they claim that they speak my own language, and they can understand it, but do they?

do they?

DO THEY???

god. i've given up on some of my friends. i guess i just pushed too much. so much to the point where they don't want anything to do with me. so i give up. they win. they'll always win.

and i always lose.....

what is happiness? where does it some from? whats it like, to be happy? will i ever get to be happy?

is there evewn such a thing as happiness?

and what about freedom?

dont get me started on freedom.

well, i'm gone.

sorry for pissing you off, and sorry that i got pissed at you,

jessica.

more commonly known as:

no one.

	it is from MICHELLE! YES! (Anonymous) 2003-11-20 19:06 (link)
	yay, go smileys. i love them. whats wrong? you can always tell me if you wanna. and if it makes you feel better, you havent pissed me off ever. -michelle (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: it is from MICHELLE! YES! jmrocketeer 2003-11-22 17:35 (link)
	3'/3 10\/3 j00 /\/\! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

"If you want your dreams to come true, do not sleep." Yiddish proverb bloody_tempest 2003-11-20 21:51 (link)

You didn't piss me off. When did you get that idea? Nah, I was never mad at you. I tried to talk to you, and I got frustrated when I didn't know what to say, but never mad, and I wasn't frustrated at you, I was frustrated at myself. Sometimes I get my languages mixed up and I don't even understand what I'm thinking, you know? You opened up to the wrong person? I hope you don't think that because of when you talked to me earlier that day. Am I the wrong person? This isn't an interrogation or anything, but I'm just curious if that's what I am. Katie's a selfish, selfish person, and she only cares about people when it suits her. She only talks to me when she either has a problem or nobody else to talk to. Sometimes she's nice, but it depends on her moods. She may give good advice sometimes, but it's hypocritical, not like all other advice isn't, though. Are you pissed at me? Did I do something wrong? I hope not, because if I did then I'm sorry. Maybe I don't understand because I haven't experienced things first-hand, like my brother, but I know what those actions cause, and it's not good. Entonces, si tu no amas ni quieres a tu "novio", porque estas con el? Cuando el se encuentra que tu no le gusta a el, el va a pensar que tu solo estabas jugando con el. Despues de todo, el va a estar muy pero muy enojado. Tu no necesitas eso. Necesitas que hacer que es mas mejor para tu futuro. No es facil, pero nada es facil. Puedo ayudarte. Solo necesitas llamarme si necesitas ayuda. Tu amiga mejor (Creo que soy tu amigo mejor, si tu eres MI amiga mejor...) ~Bianka (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: "If you want your dreams to come true, do not sleep." Yiddish proverb jmrocketeer 2003-11-21 19:04 (link)

I could've sworn you were mad at me.... You are definitely not the wrong person that I opened up to! You are the only person that I really -can- open up to, more than I have ever with anyone else. I just told this person some personal stuff that i really regret saying. Katie is selfish, but if it weren't for Katie, but she has done her share of good things for me, thats why i really dont feel much resentment towards her. Except when she acts all smarty-farty in Anthropology. -Then- I want her to shut up. XD Bianka, I could never be pissed at you! You're my bestest friend in the entire world! It's impossible for me to be mad at you. No se que voy a hacer con el. I mean, me gusta, pero solomente como amigos, y nada mas. Me gusta los abrazos, y el amor el me da, pero no se...!!! Y tambiem me gusta el quien sente enfrente de mi en lit. pero, eso es un otro cuenta. Gracias A Dios por que yo soy la amiga mejor de una persona tan perfecta, *jessica (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2003-11-22 13:46 (link)
	i'm so worried about u...u seem depressed all the time. im glad u have bianka to talk to, but sometimes i feel so useless. i assure u no one's sick of u. and plz feel better...for me? well...for amy then? ps-i dont wanna make u cry ~cookie (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: jmrocketeer 2003-11-23 09:47 (link)
	i am depressed all the time. minus the times when i'm on an overdose of zoloft. XD. hanno! you're far from useless! you're a wonderful friend!! i love you so much! i miss you every day! its not fair! trust me, ppl are sick of me. and i do feel better right now. XD ~cookie dough (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "If you want your dreams to come true, do not sleep." Yiddish proverb bloody_tempest 2003-11-22 22:13 (link)

Nah, I was never ever mad at you. Why did you think so? Why do you regret it? Did the person tell other people? Katie always acts like she's smarter than everyone else, but you know that she's lying more than half of the time. It just sounds like she's telling the truth, but she's not. -_- That's good. I'm glad that you're not mad at me. Todo que debes ser ya dije en el otro commento. Te gustas a un otro chico? Quien es? No necesitas decirme eso, pero solamente soy curiosa. Muchas gracias por hacerte mi amiga mejor por que tu eres la persona mas mejor que me encuentro en mi vida. Es la pura verdad. ~Bianka (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "If you want your dreams to come true, do not sleep." Yiddish proverb jmrocketeer 2003-11-23 09:56 (link)

i dont know....you seemed mad at me when i told you about how yari treats me and stuff.......i felt really bad..... no, its not that. its just that this person like, ridiculed me for it, and didn't seem to understand or care...... i dont know what else to say about katie.....other than she is really smart, but she cant stand it when its someone elses turn in the spotlight. like, when we had the conference with dr lynch, i was quiet the whole time she was asking dr lynch questions, but when it was my turn, she kept butting in. and then i asked her is she could please be quiet, and she looked at me disgusted and said, "if it werent for me, you wouldnt even be here, so i think i have every right to speak up." i just nodded and apologized..... ok, no queiro dice la nombre del chico, pero el es muy alto, mas alto de mi "novio", estas castillado.....umm.......un poquito gordo. estan en mi clase de lit. y.....no se que mas. llamame y puedo decir su nombre. y tu tambien! con mucho gusto. te amo, *jessica (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "If you want your dreams to come true, do not sleep." Yiddish proverb bloody_tempest 2003-11-23 15:42 (link)

I was just really surprised. I thought that people wouldn't want to be treated differently. Whenever we treated my brother differently, he threatened to kill us or got incredibly mad. But I suppose you're not having that serious of problems. (I meant no offense by that, but you know how my brother is) Well, I wouldn't expect people to understand, because not everybody has been through something like that. About the not caring part, though, you don't need somebody like that. The next time they need help, do the same thing that they did to you--ridicule them and change the subject right after that or something. If they don't like it, they can just deal with it. The thing is, it isn't HER future that's being laid out on the table. She irks me so much sometimes. I try to be really nice, though, and now she acts nice to me, but that's only because she knows that I drive. As soon as I start driving to school, she'll want me to drive her, too. She's such a leech. Quiero tener la clase de Lit contigo... Hm... Quiero hablar por telefono contigo, pero perdi mi voz. Ya sabes que estoy enferma, verdad? Ahora, soy mucho mas menor. Espero que no voy a ser enferma la proxima semana... Con amor, Bianka P.S.: I tried to put accents on a lot of the words that needed them, but blurty won't let me include that. -_- (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)