Death is just too final. I can't believe she's gone. He came to me in the morning and wrapped his arms around me gently and rested his head on me. Then I knew. I knew she didn't make it through the night. I just knew. My heart sank.
"I'm an orphan" he said. And he said it so matter of factly. I knew not how to respond so instead I touched his cheek with the back of my hand. "Oh sweetie .... " is all I said. He looked at me and said he'd like us all to go to church with him. I'm not one for church; so he's the one taking the kids every Sunday. But this time he wanted me there. I told him "... Of course" and jumped out of bed, after seeing I just had 20 minutes to get ready. It was a fast shower and we were out the door.
My mind has been on him constantly. He has never lost anyone as important as his Mother. But then what bigger loss is there than losing your mother. None that I can think of.
Death is just so final. I have a hard time with it. Scares me terribly knowing death will get me some day. Scares me worse that it will get my kids before me.
Seems I've always had this fear in me .. ever since I can remember, I have worried about dieing. A day has never passed when I dont think about it. Strange .. and being a woman my age, too. I should have come to terms with this issue long ago.
But I'm still living with this fear.
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