Jeff Timmons (jbtimmons) wrote, @ 2003-04-29 15:19:00

Current mood:	crushed
Current music:	Chris' breathing

I can't take this anymore. I want everything back the way it was. I feel like I'm a failure, in every sense of the word. My husband can't stand to touch me...I feel like I'm losing my mind...The only thing I'm doing right anymore is making sure my kids are healthy and safe, and I doubt I'm doing a very good job at parenting. Sure, they have a roof over their heads and food to eat, but I just...I feel like I'm not giving what they deserve.

Chris is always at some meeting or something with the guys, and I'm here...alone...to think. I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to remember that night and how I fucked everything I hold dear to me up. I don't want to remember that I can be that person. But I do. Every day I do. And to see the fear in his eyes because of that just opens the wound further. I don't want to be a monster in his eyes. I want to be the man I used to be to him, but I'm not. I don't think I ever will be...and that tears me apart.

I'll be 30 on Wednesday, yet in some ways, I feel like I'm a little 5 year old boy. I just want to curl up in a corner and cry.

	randy_harrison_ 2003-04-29 10:12 (link)
	Awww I wish you nothing but the best. Even though Brian is still hotter! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	jbtimmons 2003-04-29 19:07 (link)
	Thank you, Randy. But you're wrong. Chris is hotter. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)