Had a really good dinner with M and J yesterday. It has been a really long while since we have met, and at first, I was wondering how the dinner would turn out. M is still her same old self, enjoying her work now and losing her free hours (when not paktuo-ing) with RPGs. J is her witty and comfortable self. And as much as her, I have not felt so alive and connected to myself and life as it should be for some time, esp when I am working. I like the comfy feeling that we can be ourselves and share our lives. And I observed that J is yearning to go back to a Xtian community apart from having the crazy banking career dominating most of her waking hours. And also find her forthright, loud and witty self less intimidating now. J commented throughout the night that I look and feel different from the past, but couldn't really articulate what it was. Short of just asking her to state the obvious that I had indeed put on q abit over time, I asked her again what it was. "Darker.. wear specs..." (I am having eye infection) Then towards the end, she said with a nod of approval that I looked more sophisticated and my dressing was well-coordinated. In which I replied that it was my most casual clothing as yest was Fri. Hahaha!
Also had a nice afternoon tea with C on Sunday after church, choir pract and gym. The comfy talk beats many other activities I had in the week and weekend.
Indeed, frens are His gifts to us in the journey. Short of physically providing the love He has, He does this through others in our lives. And in our ever interwoven lives, by His grace, we too are His arms and feet to spread His love to others. Amidst each of our rat races, we can support one another and be reminders that there is indeed more to life than what is the immediate. This is so that we can remind ourselves to grow closer to who He wants us to be. Everything else, our careers and relationships etc, are in fact secondary and avenues for us to live out His will. Only then can we be empowered to have control, or allow Him to have control and work through us, instead of us being puppets manipulated by circumstances in our earthly lives.
I have said these words today which are in my mind and heart. And also because, rightfully or not, I feel disappointment again about something. Only He knows what it is. And perhaps I should spell it out. But that, I believe, would be to no avail. For perhaps, we have to learn to accept that some gifts are not meant to be. As much as other gifts are interrelated, and disassociation and associations are always challenges, only time and complete release could tell what gifts are in for us. And whichever it may be, may His will be done and His blessings be upon all our gifts, past, present and future in our lives.
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